Wedding party gifts that don't suck

I'm looking for wedding party gifts that don't suck. All I see for the girls are the same old monogrammed purses and mirrored compacts and for the guys all I see is pocket watches, flasks, and pens. How much use can you possibly get out of this stuff, besides a pen, but why spend $20–$100 on a freaking pen! What would you suggest for gifts for the wedding party? –Katie

I'm bringing in an expert guest blogger to answer this question. So ladies, welcome Jennifer from Etsy Wedding!

We've all been on the receiving end of some intriguing gifts — my favorite was an engraved monogrammed sterling-silver toothpick case. Yes, with toothpicks in it. What — are you trying to tell me I have something in my teeth? We're friends, girl, you can just *tell* me.

For the offbeat bride, you're looking for something meaningful, not just easy to purchase in a set of 6. The gifts you list don't ring true because they have nothing to do with the relationships between you and your bridal party. You've asked these people to stand with you as your closest community; a great way to dream up authentic gifts is to think with care about how you or your affianced knows each person — a funny joke you've shared, an interest that brought you together, a memory only your siblings know — and go from there. (If we learned anything from Lloyd Dobler, you don't give someone a pen!)

Much ink has been spilled on wedding party gift-giving — they don't all have to be the same, keep the gifts equal in 'value', etc. etc. But nothing says your gift has to be an object! Some suggestions are concert/symphony/sports season tickets; travel gift cards on JetBlue or Southwest (or another airline that flies where you live); a cheese, wine, or coffee club for your foodie friends (first rule of cheese club: no one talks about cheese club!); or a local spa or massage package to thank them for getting you through the stresses of your big day.

(One note from personal experience: if you go the massage route, would recommend *not* having it be the same day as the wedding. Nothing was more surreal four hours before my sister and I gave my mom away than to have a tiny woman named Suzy swinging from a bar on the ceiling using her toes as crazy shiatsu tenderizers. I am not exaggerating. As we were leaving, the woman says: "you've released a lot of toxins — try to avoid stress for the next 24 hours…" great, now you tell us.)

Ahem. Where was I? The beauty of "useful" gifts is that you never have to dust them, and they work for both men and women so you might even be able to take care of all your gift-purchasing at once after all.

A popular option is to purchase your group the jewelry you want them to wear in your wedding. For men this might translate to cufflinks or even tuxedo studs, if it's a fancy dress event. (The photos below are linked to their shops.)

You can go the jewelry route and not have it be boring by any stretch. Handmade or custom gift sets are a great way to add character --

These silver items can be customized with quotes, either the same for each or each one something different:

As an eco-friendly option, perhaps vintage or estate jewels in a similar price range, or amazing vintage or repurposed goods from etsy/ebay/your local swap meet.

Instead of a monogrammed sack, why not an awesome handmade bag or clutch like one of these? (A nice touch might be throwing in some 'survival kit' items — chapstick, bobby+safety pins, tissues — you know… girly crap, if you're into that sort of thing.)

For a fall or winter wedding, consider a super-nice pashmina or wrap to go over their dresses — either handmade or thepashminastore.com — like 'em or hate 'em, will keep them warm for the reception and won't go out of style (or could be used as a travel blankie on their gift plane flight!).

Your friends are activists who wouldn't be caught dead in earrings? How about changingthepresent.org — give them a gift by donating to their favorite cause.

For the guys, what do they love to do? Give gamers games; mountain men gift certificates for camp stuff; indie rockers subscriptions to music journal of choice, these custom sterling guitar picks, or a gift certificate for obscure new tunes. Works for women as well.

Remember: meaningful doesn't have to mean expensive. You could create a basket for each member of your party with a framed photo and some meaningful mementoes — an inside joke; a movie you watched countless times together; or something related to where the wedding is held — beach, museum, casino, star trek experience, what have you.

If you or your partner is in a service industry, you could give them your time — free tattoos/haircuts/bartender for an event/graphic design project — crafters could screenprint/photograph/metalsmi

th something special. Just make sure they have a use for it (and you're not already giving them free ones !

As with all gifts, the risk you run is that your taste is not necessarily someone else's, and they may end up with one more item to freecycle or donate to the Cinderella Foundation (google to find your local organization that accepts dresses for underprivileged teens). If all else fails, please do encourage your ladies to share and pass on the gift of that gorgeous aqua tulle ball gown!

Finally: don't worry too much! Your friends and family in your bridal party aren't in it for a gift (or, lord knows, a new dress or suit). They're at your wedding for the love of sharing this step with you. The gift is just a little (groan: bad wedding pun) icing on the cake. The best ones have a little joy and laughter in them, and are given with love. Happy gifting!

{+ a few additional resources}
on etsy's handmade wedding series, there's:
dos and don'ts: thoughtful gifts for your wedding party
custom bridesmaid jewelry ideas
men's gift ideas and for the boys in the band
and more gift ideas on my own little blog, etsywedding.blogspot.com