Comments on: Skip the drama when addressing wedding invitations

By: BreukelenMeisje

BreukelenMeisje — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 04:15:09 +0000

To the contrary of many misguided individuals, etiquette is not a stagnated art. It is to be applied in an appropriate manner, where the manner depends on the circumstances. For example, if one were to address a letter to my grandparents in the 'Mr. and Mrs. John R. Doe' format, my grandmother would take no offense. However, when I have received letters addressed in that manner, I am immediately offended and honestly would love to smack the writer in the face.

Simply put, it is no more appropriate to offend a 70-year old than it is to offend a 30-year old, particularly where one has every reason to believe that the 30-year old, for example, might be just as offended by the 'Mr. and Mrs. John Doe' format as the 70-year old may be by the 'Jane Doe' format.

Further, expense of time and effort is no excuse for addressing all invitations in the same manner. One cannot reasonably say that she is adhering to older etiquette norms so as not to offend older guests, all while callously dismissing the contemporary norms that her younger counterparts find more acceptable.

By: Dootsie

Dootsie — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 09:39:45 +0000

ALWAYS write a last name! ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS. Especially if the addressee lives in an urban area or apartment building. Technically, if there is no last name on an envelope, mail carriers are supposed to return them to sender. And trust me, many do.

By: Kit

Kit — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 09:52:17 +0000

I did the same thing! I also got strange looks when I said I wasn’t printing up fancy address labels, but rather, addressing them all by hand…

Normally, you'd get eaten for printing address labels. It's considered extremely impolite. I like them because of the sheer terror of my handwriting.

By: Helen

Helen — Tue, 27 May 2008 08:59:19 +0000

I ditched the formality of "Mr. and Mrs." and just used first and last names. To solve the problem of whose name goes first when addressing to a couple, I listed the names alphabetically for guests that I don't know well (i.e. the groom's parents' invitees); for the guests that I did know well, I wrote the name of the person I am closest to first. This felt like the right way to do things for me, and I couldn't care less what the etiquette books say.

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 18 May 2008 09:15:10 +0000

I also have a problem with the Mr. & Mrs. formal address. Reducing a woman's entire existence to three minuscule letters seems so misogynistic it makes me want to scream. But your personal opinion of women changing their name should not be used to judge women who have chosen to change their name. Think of all the women who question you or look appalled when you say you either won't change your name or are going to hyphenate it. Do you really want to pass judgment on them the same way they pass judgment on you?

By: Jackie

Jackie — Wed, 07 May 2008 01:10:29 +0000

I didnt really use Mr or Mrs…or last names.

I addressed them (for the most part) "Jon and Jane".

Only if I invited a single person, then I used their first and last name.

It seemed the least conventional, so that was my style.

By: Lani

Lani — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:25:47 +0000

I only printed the names on fancy labels because I'm lazy. I do agree that it is nicer to have hand written – but by the time I wrote my 80th name down it probably wouldn't be legible anymore.

PS – I used the Willy Wonka font – which I think is warm and personal in it's own way. Capital letters get top hats on them? How awesome is that!?

By: LaurelK

LaurelK — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:43:31 +0000

I plan on addressing the invites based on however I think the recipients would prefer to be addressed, as others have mentioned. One thing I'm considering, for people who I know would find Titles too formal and stuffy, is to write out their full names, including middle names, as in Jessica Susan Robinson. Several of my friends really like their middle names, and when do you get to use your middle name? I figure for people who like their middle names it's an alternative way to mark that it's a special occasion. Of course for people like my dad who use a nickname all the time and dislike their legal first and middle names I'll go with whatever they prefer to be called.

By: Suzanno

Suzanno — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 04:13:56 +0000

We are also doing firstname lastname, no titles except for the pastor and his wife. Although we didn't actually use titles on the invitation itself either – both our parents wanted to have just their names. And I think it makes total sense – after all, I'm not having a black tie wedding and reception anyway, so why would I go all formal on the envelopes?

By: Michelle

Michelle — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:12:45 +0000

With my sister getting married next year, I thought she'd be the ultimate bridezilla. So far, she's been okay. Your site is providing me with much humor and many tips for her to keep bridezilla at bay!