Skip the drama when addressing wedding invitations

I love just using first names, but if you want something more formal you can write: Mr. and Mrs. Chuck and Kate Lastname. If you're concerned about etiquette, I read somewhere that using "Mr. and Mrs." with both first names is completely appropriate.

I used the nickname approach on our engagement party invites and it actually caused some problems. I had a couple of the invites returned. These were friends who were renting and possibly still had roommates. It that case it apparently can cause confusion at the post office. But, in general I love the casual/fun approach!

I also abhor "Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname"
I just went with omitting the "Mr. or Mrs." from all of the invites and just went with first and last names. "Steve and Lisa Johnson" or "Paul Brady and Lisa Johnson"

It saved a lot of headache for me.

My wife and I just said, FEH, forget about addressing etiquette. We addressed the invitations in the same way that we always addressed the people receiving them. Or the way that we thought the invitee would most like to be addressed.

For example I knew my grandmother would like to be Mrs. First Name Last Name. So I wrote that. For aunts and uncles I wrote Auntie FirstName and Uncle FirstName.

Everyone seemed to be happy, or at least we had no complaints and it made us VERY happy.

We're doing the same thing and we are even handwriting them. If anything, we will momentarily shake folks out of the societal conditioned trance. It's a great thing!

I did the same as most on here with either just first names or the way I'd write their Christmas cards or whatever.

I don't have a huge problem with the "mr. and mrs. his first and last" and I had heard from my sister in law that her mom was demanding she do it…she didn't of course..but when I went to invite her parents, I did do theirs "mr. and mrs. john smith" just because I knew her mom would like it LOL. Sister in law called me the next day to thank me for the wonderful phone call she got about how I was doing things right. She'll only ever see her invite, so I don't care, just did what I knew would make her happy, and it makes me laugh cause she thinks I'm so proper.

Oh, and etiquette, as in Miss Manners (the sane source) says that you always address someone as they wish to be addressed. Which seems really fair. IE, Mrs. Jon Doe for your grandmother if thats what she likes, and Ariel & Dre if that's what y'all want. She also says the womans name always goes first, for whatever that's worth.

Second the motion, Meg–I have a huge pet peeve about people hating on etiquette without reading the divine Miss Manners first. She is eminently sane, practical, and feminist (oh yes! Believe it!). Not to mention hilariously witty. And she has no love for the wedding industrial complex, either–she has some wonderful snark about the petty questions people ask her, as though it's engraved in stone how to arrange the wedding party in photographs, etc.

I agree with what people have been saying about either using only first names or using both first and last name. Like Lauran, I also plan to put the person I know best first, even if (gasp!) that means putting the woman first. I firmly believe that etiquette should not be an excuse for sexism. Plus, most of the time when people say, "this is how it should/must be according to etiquette, they actually have never read an etiquette book, and certainly don't know that different books have different opinions!

I've never been to Burning Man – I didn't know their were Burning Man names. Takes me back to Woodstock (G-D, yes I am that old).

Thats funny that you posted that link Ariel. I know most of those people on that thread in real life. Flint's name really is Flint, Ive seen his drivers liscence, he is invited to my wedding too.

I also addressed using first names…and in the past few days I've had three invites returned as a result. But it sounds like others haven't had a problem…so maybe it's just that the mailperson can't handle my incredible handwriting.

We couldn't get our stupid label maker on the computer to work, so instead of stressing, we simply hand wrote the addresses using first and last names only, usually putting the female's name first (when I could remember). Only took us about an hour or so. My fiance helped with the addresses & neither of us has the best handwriting, but honestly, who wants to spend hours and hours writing these out with perfect penmanship. Down & Dirty addresses do the same thing as beautiful formal calligraphy in my opinion.

I did the same thing! I also got strange looks when I said I wasn't printing up fancy address labels, but rather, addressing them all by hand…

Ariel,
Why does my clock say it is 12:54 but the posting time say 11:54?

We are also doing firstname lastname, no titles except for the pastor and his wife. Although we didn't actually use titles on the invitation itself either – both our parents wanted to have just their names. And I think it makes total sense – after all, I'm not having a black tie wedding and reception anyway, so why would I go all formal on the envelopes?

I only printed the names on fancy labels because I'm lazy. I do agree that it is nicer to have hand written – but by the time I wrote my 80th name down it probably wouldn't be legible anymore.

PS – I used the Willy Wonka font – which I think is warm and personal in it's own way. Capital letters get top hats on them? How awesome is that!?

I also have a problem with the Mr. & Mrs. formal address. Reducing a woman's entire existence to three minuscule letters seems so misogynistic it makes me want to scream. But your personal opinion of women changing their name should not be used to judge women who have chosen to change their name. Think of all the women who question you or look appalled when you say you either won't change your name or are going to hyphenate it. Do you really want to pass judgment on them the same way they pass judgment on you?

I did the same thing! I also got strange looks when I said I wasn’t printing up fancy address labels, but rather, addressing them all by hand…

Normally, you'd get eaten for printing address labels. It's considered extremely impolite. I like them because of the sheer terror of my handwriting.

To the contrary of many misguided individuals, etiquette is not a stagnated art. It is to be applied in an appropriate manner, where the manner depends on the circumstances. For example, if one were to address a letter to my grandparents in the 'Mr. and Mrs. John R. Doe' format, my grandmother would take no offense. However, when I have received letters addressed in that manner, I am immediately offended and honestly would love to smack the writer in the face.

Simply put, it is no more appropriate to offend a 70-year old than it is to offend a 30-year old, particularly where one has every reason to believe that the 30-year old, for example, might be just as offended by the 'Mr. and Mrs. John Doe' format as the 70-year old may be by the 'Jane Doe' format.

Further, expense of time and effort is no excuse for addressing all invitations in the same manner. One cannot reasonably say that she is adhering to older etiquette norms so as not to offend older guests, all while callously dismissing the contemporary norms that her younger counterparts find more acceptable.