Comments on: Advice for dudes changing their last names

By: Corinne

Corinne — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:59:13 +0000

It's not really a big deal for women, here in the states. You will absolutely not have to change your last name. The issues come for the men. It is not as culturally acceptable for men to change their name as it is for women. Men will just have to prove a lot more often that they are who they say they are when women do not.. This is just because men change their last name when they get married far less often when women do.

By: Jen

Jen — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:26:29 +0000

We're going to hyphenate: Jen and Mike HisLast-MyLast. My name is a part of me, simple as that and I love my whole family. He only wants his name in there for his dad who passed away last year suddenly, but his dad's side of the family isn't invited to the wedding because…they're bad. We expect some people will make comments, but we have no problem telling them "Our names on our terms, back off".

By: Jes S

Jes S — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:52:14 +0000

To be honest…. I think we both totally would have been for it, if not for the fact that a) the paternal side of my husband's family (with the exception of – ironically – his father) are WONDERFUL people, and b) there's one person in the whole of the USA that has the same last name and ISN'T related to him. So it's pretty unique, and there's the feeling that his family line is "dying out," so to speak.

Plus, I'd always looked forward to changing my name – my first, middle, and maiden names were all super mundane, and I get a sick kind of kick out of having to finally spell my last name

But – if there weren't such strong connections to his last name, I think we would have tried for a blended last name… to me that holds the egalitarian appeal of hyphenating, without the possible spectre of a 14-syllable surname for little ones to try and spell. :p

By: miepia

miepia — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 06:00:48 +0000

For me and my fiance, it was a case where we are both strongly attached to our family names. Since there is no one on my dad's side to carry on my surname, I didn't fully want to give it up. For my fiance, there is a lot of family pride in his surname, he definitely wanted to keep it, but felt I shouldn't be the only one to change names.

We decided to both hyphenate to show unity and a blending of families. I definitely wanted to take his name while keeping my own, and he felt the same. (Plus his name is like a backwards name, so now we're convinced that people will finally get it right!) This has definitely met with some raised eyebrows, and his brother insists that the hyphen portion is just plain stupid, but we like it. Although judging from people's responses, it looks like we'll have some fun red tape to deal with!

I am happy to have someone who understands my name is part of my identity and who wants to honor that by making it part of his own as well – just as I honor his family.

By: miepia

miepia — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 06:00:48 +0000

I am happy to have someone who understands my name is part of my identity and who wants to honor that by making it part of his own as well – just as I honor his family.

By: Greg Johnson

Greg Johnson — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:44:22 +0000

Thanks for this comment! I am changing my name to my fiance's when we get married in September. Forst of all, it was my idea, not hers, and secondly, I have a pretty good relationship with my dad. Here are my reasons:

1) Why should I need a reason? I've heard tradition cited, but "TRADITION" is the same BS argument that CA has been using to keep same-sex couples from marrying, so screw that. I have also heard that I would be insulting my family, but why wouldn't she be doing the same if she changed hers? For the record, I told my Dad far in advance, told him my reasons, and he is (at least I think) not insulted.

2) She is an only child with no male cousins. If she drops her last name, it's gone forever (and it's a beautiful name too: Farren), I on the other hand, have 4 brothers, and our last name is Johnson. Is our name really in danger of going extinct? Please.

3) I'm tired of having a generic name. When someone has to look up my account by name, I'm usually one of 40 billion "Greg Johnsons" in the system. Her last name is cool. I like it.

The only thing that pulls on the strings of my masculinity at all is the phrase "maiden name." But if enough people like me say "screw it" to tradition, maybe that word will become archaic.

By: Sport

Sport — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 22:11:26 +0000

My FH and I are also both changing our names when we get married. We intend to take his mother's maiden name. Apparently in CO all you have to do is sign your marriage documents with your intended name.

By: Hibryd

Hibryd — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:05:57 +0000

I'm late to the party on this, but for the record, "Haro von Mogel" is an awesome name. Like, supervillan awesome.

By: fran

fran — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:43:33 +0000

sheesh, that is rife with typos, sorry! I meant "grandmother wouldn't have COME to my wedding" and "you are willing to miss your grandDAUGHTER's wedding" and realize not realizes…oh dear – you get the idea

By: fran

fran — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:41:42 +0000

This is really interesting. I know that families can be extremely contentious, but as a gay person if my grandmother wouldn't have to to my wedding – just a party, but an important one- I wouldn't have (literally) been able to make a decision to get her to come. Sometimes I think it is important to call family on their ultimatums as in – you are willing to miss your grandmother's wedding because of a decision about her name, you're not going to support the marriage for this? I completely realizes this sounds like a judgement, and I don't mean it to – in any case I'm sure you're already married as that comment was left over a year ago. It's just sometimes metaphors help – and to think about what is critically important to you and have pride to do it, live it and stick with it at all costs reaps amazing awards, and generally people will come around and follow your example.