You can bet our last name isn't going to be changed to Palmer…

I think the most important thing about this name-change discussion is not the outcome (whether you decide to keep different names, hyphenate, take his, whatever!) but how the conversation goes. Both parties need to be patient, open minded, and respectful, as there is a lot of cultural baggage that comes with any "coming of age" tradition that one considers balking. Few things make me angrier than a partner feeling forced into something because the other party was unwilling to respect them enough to listen properly.

Once your decision is made, be prepared to stick with it whatever comes. Nothing stops teasing or raised eyebrows faster than your own polite smile and a "so what's your point again?"

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE! Follow your hearts!

So far I'm mixed. I Like my last name a lot more than my fiancée's, but I wouldn't mind hyphenating it just to stick it to the man.

Incidentally, I have my mother's maiden name, which wasn't even her birth name in the first place.

So far I'm mixed. I Like my last name a lot more than my fiancée's, but I wouldn't mind hyphenating it just to stick it to the man.

Incidentally, I have my mother's maiden name, which wasn't even her birth name in the first place.

We went back to the drawing board looking for solutions that would make it clear we were a family. We pondered combining the first syllable of his name and the first syllable of mine, in either order; both combos would have sounded completely reasonable. My sister joked about "Manman." My father, only half-jokingly, suggested using the first syllable of my name and the second syllable of Spouse's. (There are no male descendants with our name within fourth-cousin-hood.) We never seriously considered giving girls my name and boys his name — which was good, because we have two boys!

Finally we settled on a three-syllable last name for children: Minehisman. Still Scots/Irish-sounding, still fairly simple and pleasing, and clearly related to both of us, even if my two syllables aren't contiguous. However, at the last minute (seriously, LAST minute — filling out the birth certificate on checking out of the hospital), Spouse had a tiny conflict between his feminism and his id. His father had passed away only a year before, and Spouse suddenly NEEDED that capital W at the beginning of his name. Perfectly understandable, in my opinion.

So the boys' last names are both hyphenated: Mine-Hisname. Only my first syllable is there at the front, but they're alphabetized with me, and it's pretty clear that we're related. It doesn't make me nuts to be addressed as "Mrs. Mine-Hisname" by the kids' friends. Also, we squeaked in under that 12-bubble limit for standardized test forms!