Those of you dealing with stick-in-the-mud officiants will be inspired by Lamira Martin, an ordained celebrant in St. Louis who's motto is "Your ceremony, your way." With a background in cultural anthropology, she makes it clear that she believes "each person is a spark of God or Universal Energy. I believe there are many avenues to that source and there is not one right way."
She's overseen pirate weddings and handfastings, and she's got samples of wedding and commitment ceremonies on her website. Lamira is available for weddings in St. Louis, Missouri and Southern Illinois area, and can travel if you need her to. Check out Lamira's website: YourCeremonyYourWay.com.