Comments on: Should we say "I do" early for health insurance?

By: Adele

Adele — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:09:28 +0000

Wow, things are WAY simpler in Canada! My fiancé and I just had to sign an "interdependant domestic partnership" form that we found online to declare ourselves common-law before the otherwise necessary year of living together. We didn't even need to get it notarised, just to have it on us if anyone needed proof. Luckily for us, common-law couples have many of the same rights as married couples do in Alberta.

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:53:04 +0000

I didn't mean who really cares. I care. A lot.

See…I really don't like idea of milking the system. I think if you don't intend on being married, and haven't gone through the entire process, no benefits of marriage.

But then again, the system shouldn't reward marriage over single life. And if you are already engaged, you have really already made most of the commitment. Sure, some engagements get called off, but some marriages end up in divorce. The legal status OR religious/social ceremony don't guarantee the commitment, but once you put a ring on it (or however you choose to invest into the promise of marriage)… I think it's safe to say you aren't just doing it for the perks.

And even if you were… there would be no finagling benefits reserved for married couples if marriage wasn't shoved down our throats for survival (obviously i'm not anti marriage…i just have a beef with the way we value married people more than singles)

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:43:35 +0000

In my state domestic partnerships are only for the elderly, and civil unions are only available for same sex couples, unfortunately. I feel a little bit like a liar when I say I'm getting married, because I'm an atheist. But socially, I'll feel married. I just …ugh what a twisted word!

By: Elle

Elle — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:41:17 +0000

I have been considering this.

On the one hand, I don't think it's right to purport that you are being wed when you already have been. I don't think it's right to reduce the 'sanctity' of marriage (the seriousness of it… I'm an atheist) for legal benefits. I have recently discovered a lot of negative opinions on the 'getting weddinged' front.

But. But. Standing etiquette and tradition is rooted in a time where the cost of family insurance wasn't higher than some minimum wage salaries. When you could have a moderately elaborate wedding for a few grand. When there was less inclusive of minority beliefs on marriage.

So basically, I think it's wrong to try to reap benefits for something prematurely, or doing something just for the money, especially if it involves deceit. But I think it's a necessary evil in a society where health insurance is rivaling costs of food and shelter, companies are ruthless, and etiquette also dictates at least 8 weeks notice of your wedding (as if that was what was holding you back).

The system really doesn't allow a lot of room for doing the right thing for your health, family, and stability while maintaining proper decorum. So who really cares?

By: KelleMarie

KelleMarie — Fri, 14 May 2010 21:04:29 +0000

My husband and I got married in November '09 when we were planning a wedding for April '11. I didnt have insurance and really needed it (had surgery in March). Plus we already have two kids together who needed better insurance. There is one problem now though.. we pushed the wedding back to 2012 and still dont know if we can afford the wedding. I am searching online for ways to make it a lot cheaper without messing up what we had planned. If we dont have a wedding I dont know how I could tell my family (some wont understand) and if the Vegas wedding was all that I was going to have I would have made the most of it, had at least close family there, etc. So I kind of regret it now.

By: KelleMarie

KelleMarie — Fri, 14 May 2010 20:59:21 +0000

Thats kind of the same issue with my mom. My mom is disabled and has been with her boyfriend for 12+years. If they get married my mom would lose her benefits and insurance. And although she doesnt actually get much she relies on it (mainly insurance of course).

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 01:57:49 +0000

We did this, but now we are planning our wedding and have no idea what to do about the signing of the marriage license aspect. NO ONE knows other than our parents, and we are having a friend marry us, so he will expect to have to sign the certificate and my sister and his brother (maid of honor and best man) expect to sign as witnesses…but we have NOTHING for them to sign because we are already married!! We didn't think of this aspect and we aren't sure what to do about it. Any suggestions?

By: Lyn

Lyn — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 04:32:00 +0000

I have been secretly married for over a year, and our wedding is this summer. My parents know, but his do not. He did not have insurance, so we are now covered on mine. Its a sad that only some people have the luxury of having health insurance and we have to do things like this. It is however a fun little secret, and we call each other husband and wife when we're alone. I say go for it!

By: sherrie

sherrie — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:23:13 +0000

I am not thrilled about this idea but it is her life, I also married young at 20 (my highschool sweetheart) and have been for over 22 years, so I know that marriages can last – divorce rate in my family is very low -out 6 brothers and sister only one.
I have no problem with the engagment but the part that is killing me ths is my daughter, and not what I pictured her wedding to be, but the biggest part is we are a very close family – and thought of keeping this all a secret seems wrong.
Am I wrong? they have said that they do not look at this as their wedding but as a legal matter.

By: sherrie

sherrie — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:22:52 +0000

my daughter (21) is about to marry her boyfriend of 3.5 years (highschool sweetheart -and friends even longer) secretly with a beautiful quiant beach ceremony – for the purpose to keep him in the country. He is a very bright wonderful youngman who happened to be in a bad situation – no fault of his own (parents made a mistake with papers -he has been in this country for over 15 years). These two kids do love eachother and planned on marrying but after college, maybe at 24. Those that are included with the ceremony the parents and their siblings, they are planning to announce an engaggement to the rest of the world the same weekend and proceed with a long engagment, and have the tradional wedding as palnned.