Video Advice #2
Advice
By
on October 24, 2007
15 Responses
Offbeat Bride Advice #2 from arielmeadow on Vimeo.
Three offbeat bride questions get answered this time:
- Can I have multiple wedding showers in different cities?
- Do I have to have his bratty niece in the ceremony?
- And if I'm keeping my last name, how should we be presented after the ceremony?
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
Liz said
God I wish this site had been around in 1991 when my brother got married. They had the 3 year old flower girl who cried completely through the ceremony, where I was 6 and wanted that job so badly!! I was a program passer-outer.
Jennifer said
Hooray for small victories, I got copies of your book added to the collections of The New York Public Library (where I work.)
Lexi said
My hubby and I each kept our last names. We didn't make a big deal out of it at the wedding (didn't want to get into agitated discussions about a decision that isn't really anyone else's business), so whenever we were referred to, we kept it first names only: "here's the happy couple: Lexi and Randy!" No one seemed to notice or mind (copious quantities of imperial stout may have helped that situation…)
kate said
I agree with Lexi about using first names; I have to disagree with Ariel on the Ms & Mr thing. That sounds like you're being crazy formal with people who just watched one of the more intimate moments in your life. I think it's usually only done "Mr & Mrs" because it's *new*; since your Mr & Ms walking in, it seems weird to me.
But ultimately, whatever makes you happy is what you should do.
Ariel said
Lexi: love the first names introduction! Skips right over the whole last name thing.
Kate, you've got a good point about the fact that they were Mr. and Ms. before the ceremony, and are Mr. and Ms. after. I guess that's true of their first names, too.
Maybe I should change my advice to suggsting, "TADA! Here are the newlyweds!"
Susheela said
I could be wrong, but aren't they Mr and Miss going in and Mr and Ms coming out?
kelleyatbrideorama said
Use the casual first name intro, but before it, have your DJ say "And now, for the first time ever, here they are..as husband and wife… Dan and Kathy!" That way it doesnt sound SO casual and it gives you the feeling of …Wow! We are married!
Therese (Air's mom) said
I like the way Sassy 'stars' on this clip, laying on the couch wiggling, desparate for rubs! Great prop.
Me said
Susheela: Ms. is a neutral term, like Mr. It's used so that one doesn't know whether you're married or not (just like you don't know if a Mr. is married or not just by the title). Miss indicates that you're not married; Mrs. that you're married — but the latter kinda only works if you change your last name, I guess (that is, you can't be Mrs. MaidenName). Because I'm not changing my name, I'm going to be Ms. MyLastName before AND Ms. MyLastName afterward — just like my honey will be Mr. Honey before AND after.
Susheela said
ah, makes sense — thanks for clearing that up
Kung Foodie Kat said
the easy way out…no DJ or any bothersome traditional mic introductions!!! I'm the causal girl…beside I figure my guests already know who we are (LOL).
Sam said
As a student of Child Development can I just say that asking any 3 year old to do anything that involves solemnity or holding still for more than 2 minutes is asking for it. I think your best bet is putting her at the gift table! She can squeal about pretty wrapping and meet everyone. OR, just say "no kids in the ceremony." No one gets their feelings hurt and it doesn't seem like you're playing favorites.
michelle said
When it comes to flower girls the age makes a difference. The minimum age for a flower girl should be seven. Any younger and the child won't really understand what's going on. In my situation, my sister insists that my niece be a flower girl but she'll only be two when the wedding takes place! She would barely be able to pronounce my name let alone walk down the aisle.
As for the last name issue…again, a touchy situation. The best way to introduce yourselves, in my opinion, is by first names only. But, you must do what makes you comfortable.
Carla said
Agh, thanks for answering my question! (I get into random wedding-planning bouts every few weeks, get sick of it, forget about it, then start over by checking back on all my favorite sites when the wedding bug bites me again 3 weeks later.)
As far as announcing the couple, I had thought about "and now.. the newlyweds!" or "Carla and John!" or whatever, but it is important to me that everyone realize that I kept – ahem, both of us kept our last names. We just live in an area where it's assumed the woman will take the man's name, and I'd rather make it clear from the get go than have to correct people later.
That being said, I do agree with you that getting into reasons behind name taking is can be unpleasant and confrontational. So, I guess I'll just be Ms. Hansen, and if people don't pick up on that, fine. I just won't respond to Mrs. Smith. =)
Also, I never knew that Ms did NOT apply to a woman who didn't take her husband's name. I always thought it could be used by any woman at any point. So, nice to know! (Although at this point I wonder if I can break the rules and be Mrs. Hansen – just like I told my best friend and maid of honor that when I'm in her wedding – which she assures me I will be – that I shall still be referred to as a maid of honor.. not a matron of honor. blech, grandma-y.)
Shina said
I've been catching up and I just wanted to say that this is really good advice. Everyone who knows me knows I won't be changing my name, so I think I'll go with the first name intro, and just correct anyone (cough..his conservative youth pastor brother..cough) who says otherwise that I'm still Ms. Me. As for the flower girl thing, I'm so glad I had a boy. He's 5, and he'll e walking me down the aisle then going to sit with my mother and the best man will have the rings.