Considering wedding debt
Hey Ariel,
So I know you have to get like a ton of messages a day telling you how awesome your book is (and it is) but I have to tell you that I am impressed with something else all together. The thing I am impressed with is you give great economic planning advice (other books do not honestly address this issue). It is so on the money its crazy.
I work as a financial consultant/stockbroker and you have no idea how many times I see parents tapping into the retirement money to pay for an over the top wedding. They not only usually have to take a tax penalty, but they do themselves a great disservice in the end or the couple themselves goes into major debt. You give brides something to think about by encouraging them to not have this fake dream day. Finances are the number 1 reason for divorce is the US so why start that problem. Student loans are bad enough. Anywho, I just wanted to thank you for getting people to think about the cost. -Zan
Aww, Zan — thank you so much! I’m not the biggest money whizz by a long shot (you should have seen the hole of consumer debt I dug for myself in my early 20s — ouch.), but it seems like common sense to me that it’s a bad idea to put yourself into debt for an afternoon party. Yes, its a wedding. Yes, it’s exciting. Yes, you want to make it awesome. But the thousands and thousands of dollars you could spend on favors, decorations, ring pillows, etc, could be put towards a down payment on a house … you get one afternoon party OR you get a place to live.
I know which I chose. And I know which way I encourage others!
Thanks again for the sweet words — and offbeat brides, what’s the ONE smartest thing you’ve done to keep your expenses down?
Comments
24 responses to this entryParasaur
October 15th, 2007 · 6:31 AM · #I haven’t actually spent anything yet for the wedding to be, but I think my smartest move was to open a high-interest online savings acct for all wedding funds. We automatically deposit a sum after every paycheck, and since it is in a separate financial institution, it seems untouchable in the near term. I’ve made over $80 already!
We’re financing most of the wedding ourselves (with cash/event gifts from the parents), so having the money before we start making plans is really important.
RC
October 15th, 2007 · 6:57 AM · #Rethink the term “wedding.” A wedding is two people celebrating their commitment with family and friends. How do you celebrate other occasions with your friends and your family? What’s fun and comfortable for you?
I chose the top 3 things that were important (flowers, photography, food) and was brutal about cutting costs in other areas. So what if some people don’t get it! I’d rather have really yummy food on paper plates then pay 6x as much to rent china and have to cut the food or flower budget. I’ve never batted an eye about serving large parties at my house food on paper plates. Why should I suddenly become a different person now that my party is a wedding?
I also edited my guestlist down to 100 by asking the questions: Do I love and care about this person? Would I miss them if they weren’t there? Can I live with the consequences of not inviting them?
brideoramakelley
October 15th, 2007 · 7:00 AM · #We utilized friends talents in our wedding to save money. My mom was our officiant, best friend was ceremony musician, a friend was our DJ, and a coworker was our photographer. We got a lot of discounts this way, great quality, and people who knew us personally.
Leslie
October 15th, 2007 · 8:45 AM · #We’re still over 1.5 years away from the wedding, but probably the ONE main thing is and will continue to be our absolute commitment to not going into debt for this. That translates into keeping things simple, accepting “very nice!” instead of insisting on “perfect!” (thus my $60 dress), doing a lot of things ourself or with the loving help of friends and family, and putting the wedding off for a year later than we’d really like it to be so that we’d have time to save.
Bride Diva
October 15th, 2007 · 9:05 AM · #I put up with a lot of crap so that I wouldn’t have to pay for a thing except my dress. At the time it didn’t seem worth it, but now that the wedding is over it’s nice that the bill isn’t mine. Such is life.
Jennifer
October 15th, 2007 · 9:10 AM · #The top tip I can recommend is that as soon as we got engaged we sat down and worked out how much we thought it would cost. This was tricky and takes a bit of research (and you have to work out a guest list for costs per head!), but we set a budget for EVERYTHING and then divided the total cost by the amount of months left until the wedding. Every month a proportion of our pay goes into our ‘wedding account’ (we had to make sure this was an amount that we could sensibly afford, and adjust budget areas accordingly) and thus we can ensure that we have the funds for the wedding before the wedding.
It’s actually really ejoyable trying to work out how we can do things within budget, and as I always say to my parents, if you don’t have money to waste then you don’t waste it!
Top tip as well, I found a wicked brownie recipe on Not Martha and we’re making a ton fo these ourselves as the ‘wedding cake’. Yum yum x
Heather
October 15th, 2007 · 9:26 AM · #Research! Have a good idea what things you want will cost and budget or cut accordingly. If an $80 ebay dress is gorgeous, go with it. If the $150 cake still feeds the same amount of people as the $800 cake, it’s a no-brainer. Think about the things you’re not willing to scrimp on and buy those first!
Zan
October 15th, 2007 · 9:50 AM · #OK, I need you guys to be my amen corner when I am talking to people. You really would think it is a no-brainer, but for some reason women get sucked into the hype and the whole thing turns into a competition. Its sad really. I LOVE the ideas being shared and I hope all of you post them on the new forum discussion for others to read.
Tulip O'Hare
October 15th, 2007 · 11:35 AM · #I don’t know if you get this in the US, but in the UK, there is a definite wedding ’season’ that runs from April to September. By getting married in November, we saved ourselves a bundle (I’m talking thousands of pounds) on venue hire. Same is true if you go for weekday weddings instead of Saturdays.
Kung Foodie Kat
October 15th, 2007 · 12:06 PM · #As others have said it’s important to prioritize…and then set a budget. Some things we’re doing: keeping the guest list small, hosting the ceremony and reception on our friend’s property, crafting fabric flowers from scraps (goes perfect with our vintage theme), borrowing decorations, bartering services.
I’m lucky that I specialize in a highly valuable service (web design and marketing), so i’m trading my services with a photographer. My other thought was that I could pay for just a couple hours to cover the ceremony then have friends do photos of everything else.
I think it’s important to not be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. We decided we did NOT want to ask for money, but there’s lots of others way they can contribute.
Mudge
October 15th, 2007 · 12:11 PM · #I would have to say that being an offbeat bride in general will save a ton of money - we don’t always want the “traditional” items which in turn are more expensive. The only flowers I had came from the Pike Place Market the day of the wedding, my wedding dress cost less than my prom dress (fingers crossed I can sell it for almost full price!), and I made as much as I could - invitations, centerpieces, table runners, etc. The best advice is to be realistic with a realistic budget and stick to it! You don’t want to be paying your wedding off until your 5th anniversary.
susann carlo
October 15th, 2007 · 2:31 PM · #My wedding was pretty cost efficient, but my FAVORITE detail that I saved on was: my (then) fiance and I went to a farm and picked out a variety of flowers ourselves. Then the next morning, my two best friends put together my bouquet and all of the table decorations while we all drank mimosas and I got my nails done by my sister on the morning of the wedding. It was laid back and I loved sharing how my girls helped me prepare!
Brittany
October 15th, 2007 · 3:55 PM · #I’m “engaged to be engaged” (ha), but the boy and I have thought about doing things backwards… We’re thinking of having a casual, possibly pot-luck, reception BEFORE the wedding (as in months before) in order for our families to meet and to get their blessing. Then, we want to have a small intimate wedding later on, which won’t cost too much, I hope!
Matthia
October 15th, 2007 · 4:34 PM · #I love the idea of having a pre-reception! In my case, our families know each other from a while back so instead I’m thinking about doing it for the wedding party…just a laid-back bbq so that everyone can meet before they actually have to pose together!
Ariel
October 15th, 2007 · 4:38 PM · #Let’s just call it a … PRECEPTION!
Zan
October 15th, 2007 · 5:32 PM · #BTW, my biggest saving plan has been no only budgeting myself, (see forum discussion on blog dealing with how much is to much to pay for a custom wedding dress)but I’ve tapped every single friend and family member I can find. I am trying to tell ya. Its amazing what you can get for free or at a serious discount. LOL.
Shawn
October 15th, 2007 · 7:12 PM · #Most cost-efficient thing we’ve done? Keeping in mind that marriage is about marriage, not a stupid ego-stroke party. We decided to not have a “wedding” at all. It’s a waste of money and causes way too much strife (both of us have always wondered why wedding etiquette requires its own genre of advice). We’re getting married in a park in the nice clothes that we already own and having a small lunch with immediate family. I wear an inexpensive gold ring and we’re invite people in person. The colors I want for my wedding exist in nature and we refuse to hand over any of our well-earned money to any wedding industry, be it an indie merchant or not. We’re putting our money down for some nice furniture and a house downpayment. Strict? Yeah, but at least we’re spending about $100.
Jen
October 15th, 2007 · 8:02 PM · #We are in the process of planning our low budget wedding. We home brew and are gonna make “I DO Brew” $30 for 5 gallons of beer!!! We are vegan, which is cheap, and I am going to use flowers mixed with veggies. We are planning on a halloween wedding, so I am gonna hit the stores after this halloween to pick up marked down items the day after.
teri
October 16th, 2007 · 7:46 AM · #When I got engaged my dad was nice enough to fork over $20,000. Hot Damn. My sister had been talking for years about how when she gets married she wants a huge traditional white wedding. I think he panicked, looked up the cost of an average American wedding, and told us that we would be getting that. I guess he was trying to avoid overspending to.
Like I’m spending $20,000 on one day when I’m in grad school and wanting a house! We put $15,000 into a high-yield CD, along with our other savings, and put $5,000 into another account. We each will have a debit card linked to that account, and whenever we buy something for the wedding, it goes on the card- and out of that account. That way it’s really easy to see how much we’ve spent- and how much is left. When the card is dry, we know the rest will be out of our current tiny salaries- since we cant touch the CD for a year.
Lara
October 17th, 2007 · 9:50 PM · #The most cost effective things we are doing are:
1. venues in Los Angeles are SOOOO expensive so instead of renting a wedding place, we decided to get married on the grass at the University where my mother teaches. It cut our costs by amazing amounts.
2. ipod music.
Dina
October 21st, 2007 · 10:26 AM · #We’re still in planning, but here’s the cost-effective things we’re doing thus far:
1. My dress is a beautiful bridesmaid dress instead of a “wedding” dress, which saved us hundreds.
2. We’re DIYing the invitations– they’ll cost approximately .25-.50 each– as well as the programs and save-the-dates.
3. We hired a photographer that was just starting out, so we saved quite a bit on that.
4. I’m doing my own hair, make-up, and nails.
5. I’m DIYing the centerpieces.
Rachel
November 4th, 2007 · 6:48 PM · #We’re having our wedding at a community center is a very small town, so it’s super cheap for the SF Bay Area. Because it’s on Halloween, the center will already be decorated. We’re also making our own centerpieces, making my dress, the only flowers will be my bouquet, serving our own Homebrew, buying our own alcohol to be served, having a decorate-your-own cupcake bar instead of a cake, and enlisting friends for doing the ceremony (a friend is an online ordained minister), photography, catering and DJing.
Jo
December 13th, 2007 · 9:51 PM · #The biggest way we’re cutting costs is by having two receptions.
Immediately following the ceremony we’ll have a small lunchtime reception for very close friends and family (about 60 people) at a local Japanese restaurant. By having it on a Sunday and at lunchtime we’re saving lots of money, and the restaurant is right next door to the park where our ceremony is being held, so there’s no travel costs.
Following that, we’ll have an evening function at a pub, where we’ll put on a few trays of cocktail food, but guests can buy their own drinks over the bar. This lets us invite as many people as we want to, and still stay within budget.
As our wedding is in a park, we’re skipping the decorations entirely, and providing the guests with cheap bamboo and paper fans (February in Perth can be pretty hot!), and paper parasols for some of the family members. These things should add to the photographs, without being hugely expensive.
Friends are making our cake (a croquembouche) and photographing and videoing the ceremony, so no expenses there either.
Oh, and having no bridal party (just the two brides) will also keep the costs down!
Kit
July 17th, 2008 · 6:56 PM · #I intend to have a credit card with a high rewards program, then pay it back in full each time I use it and reap the benefits. I already do this with my regular card, so I know I’m good at it. I want to have a separate card for wedding expenses so I can track every single thing I spend related to that, and only that.