Comments on: Offbeat Bride in Elle Canada http://offbeatbride.com/2007/05/offbeat-bride-in-elle-canada Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:51:34 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Ariel http://offbeatbride.com/2007/05/offbeat-bride-in-elle-canada/comment-page-1#comment-892 Ariel Fri, 18 May 2007 15:03:34 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2007/05/offbeat-bride-in-elle-canada#comment-892 Yeah, I got a weird perspective on this issue when I was in Vancouver, and some folks from Urban Rush were like "Ooh, the guys here in the studio are real excited about this -- is it true that you say people don't need engagement rings?" It made me realize just how much icky stuff is tied up with the engagement ring, ie "Hey, fella: HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?! Prove it with the size of a rock! If you REALLY loved me, you'd spent more." These folks were laughing because it was like "Aww yeah: you're saying guys are off the hook for having to prove themselves! You're letting men weasel out and that's AWESOME!" I could hardly wrap my head around it at the time ... my then-fiance had proven himself to me every day for six years. It's not like no having an engagement ring meant he could be some fucked up lazy slouch ... it just meant that despite all my materialism, I'm keenly aware that the ability to buy a ring with a rock doesn't in ANY way relate to your ability to be good partner. Anyone can go put a $5k ring on a credit card once. A REAL spouse has to actually come through every single fucking day with love and care and communication and logistics and all the other things that make a functional longterm relationship. Yeah, I got a weird perspective on this issue when I was in Vancouver, and some folks from Urban Rush were like "Ooh, the guys here in the studio are real excited about this — is it true that you say people don't need engagement rings?"

It made me realize just how much icky stuff is tied up with the engagement ring, ie "Hey, fella: HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?! Prove it with the size of a rock! If you REALLY loved me, you'd spent more."

These folks were laughing because it was like "Aww yeah: you're saying guys are off the hook for having to prove themselves! You're letting men weasel out and that's AWESOME!"

I could hardly wrap my head around it at the time … my then-fiance had proven himself to me every day for six years. It's not like no having an engagement ring meant he could be some fucked up lazy slouch … it just meant that despite all my materialism, I'm keenly aware that the ability to buy a ring with a rock doesn't in ANY way relate to your ability to be good partner.

Anyone can go put a $5k ring on a credit card once. A REAL spouse has to actually come through every single fucking day with love and care and communication and logistics and all the other things that make a functional longterm relationship.

]]> By: colleen http://offbeatbride.com/2007/05/offbeat-bride-in-elle-canada/comment-page-1#comment-891 colleen Fri, 18 May 2007 12:55:06 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2007/05/offbeat-bride-in-elle-canada#comment-891 It was definitely an exercise in inner strength and self-assurance not having an engagement ring. I had to consistently remind myself that everyone ELSE was ridiculous -- when eyes dart to your hand every time you meet someone you almost feel like you have to explain, and it's so unnecessary. However, now I'm so proud to not be a part of the blood diamond industry, nor did I contribute to the environmental destruction required to mine Canadian diamonds. Be strong, ladies. Don't let the lemmings pull you in! It was definitely an exercise in inner strength and self-assurance not having an engagement ring. I had to consistently remind myself that everyone ELSE was ridiculous — when eyes dart to your hand every time you meet someone you almost feel like you have to explain, and it's so unnecessary. However, now I'm so proud to not be a part of the blood diamond industry, nor did I contribute to the environmental destruction required to mine Canadian diamonds. Be strong, ladies. Don't let the lemmings pull you in!

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