Diamond as dick size
Fashion Advice
By
on May 29, 2007
84 Responses
My fiancé gave me an engagement ring that I absolutely love. It is a unique eco-friendly band accompanied by a nice rock which is really just icing on the cake and just that. What I really value is the artistic design of the band itself as no two designs are alike.When I shared my new engagement ring excitement with a girlfriend, I explained to her the artistic design/eco materials' significance of the ring. She interrupted and asked what size my rock was. Upon learning that I have a 1carat diamond, she then complained to her man for not getting her a diamond of such size. She appeared to have no interest in my story of the ring design itself and was only concerned with rock sizes.
How do I politely school/check other people who are obviously unappreciative of art, eco-friendly design and are more concerned with what is on top?
—Rebecca
OMG it's like soooo huuuuge
You add an extra layer of complexity when you discuss the size of the diamond you supposedly don't care about.
See, when you talk exact carats, you're getting into the dick-size game, whether you mean to or not. It's sort of like pulling down your pants and saying, "Oh that? My 10.75-inch-long penis? Ignore that — I'm trying to tell about you my scrotal piercing!" Many of us are conditioned to fixate on cock rock size, and when you provide an exact size measurement, you're not helping your "it doesn't matter to me!" cause.
So — the next time a friend asks you how big the diamond is, if you really don't care, just shrug and say "I don't actually know." Then get back to talking abut the artistry and eco-friendliness of the design. You're not only refusing to play the numbers game, you're also making it clear that it's of oh-so little importance to you that you don't even know the exact size — which will hopefully deflate some of the consumer lust from the situation.
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
riona said
OMG, that's exactly what it is. I was always taken aback when people would ask me what size my diamond was, and I always said just what you suggest: I don't know. But several people – not just one – have grabbed my hand and examined my ring before pronouncing "Very nice" as if it had just passed some kind of test or something.
Rebecca said
Great feedback/advice, thank you! Next time someone asks of size, I will simply respond with, "I don't know." It's probably the safest response I can go with!
Thanks again.
Ariel said
…Or you could answer "Oh that? That's my 10.75-inch-long cock — er, I'm sorry. What were we talking about again?" That's SURE to get 'em off the subject.
lindy shoes said
YES. I'm so tempted to do this from now on.
Kelly Mahoney said
You can always walk around with a ring pop. Think about it: When someone comments on your ring, you can say "Would you like a taste?"
Jarrett said
Nice allusion.
I would like to think I didn't do badly in either department.
annie said
i told my fiance v firmly many years ago that there was room for only one ring on my hands. my wedding ring.
Lara said
It is driving me a little nuts that most of the answers on here have to do with lying. "I dont know" is a blatant lie. I prefer to say "Oh, well, that doesnt really matter to me, I am more excited about the design." My ring (yes i have a diamond ring and i LOOOOVE IT) was hand made by my mother for my grandmother when she got re-married in the late 60's. It was the first ring that my mother ever made so it is not cemetrical and i have not ever seen anything even close to it. When my lovely lady (if she is looking i mean my rough tough butch) told my mother that she was going to ask me to marry her my mother gave it to her. long story short she wanted there to be something new mixed in with the old so she had some work done on it and bought a raher large diamond (wholesale from an old dealer my father knew) to put in it. When someone asks me about the weight i either tell them and then get back to the story or i dont tell them and get back to the story. I decide what is important about my ring. There is no need to lie.
Holy shit, that was really snarky. sorry. I am just easily excited
\
lindy shoes said
Oh wow…. there's such a cool history behind that ring. It's so touching, too. I would be a lot more interested in knowing that story than about what carat anyone's diamond is!
I also agree on the lying bit. I tend to just say the carat and go back into talking about the design or the fact that my fiance went into a section of town they really hate to get it since they knew I'd like it (that's the part that really shows that my to-be knows me so well).
Shina said
Seeing as how there are no diamonds that are actually eco-friendly…I went for the Herkimer diamond which is a very clear quartz crystal. It keeps you out of the c/rock size game and focuses on the ecofriendliness. Personally, I think you're a little more infatuated with the carat size than you're leading on to be.
Jen said
Strange, it's kinda like a reverse pissing contest here. My ring is more eco-friendly, non traditional, cost less…. Your still playing the same game as the girls with the big rocks!
Related OBB post that totally talks about this: http://offbeatbride.com/2010/0…t-consumer
Foxglove said
I totally agree. Ring conversations can get kind of ugly, because there's a lot of smugness on either side. "Oh, my ring is a gorgeous antique diamond with a lot of meaning, and yours is just mass-produced crap from Sears" "Well my ring is an Amethyst claddagh that was handmade by a local artist from local silver with local smelting pots. Diamonds are SO evil and bad for the environment." Everyone's rings sound lovely, but you don't HAVE to explain why yours is better than the "bad" rings or the "mass-produced WIC rings." This conversation isn't even about what YOUR ring looks like — it's about how diamonds have become class/status symbols.
Jesscar said
I agree. There's no right or wrong or better or worse ring. Competition over who's ring is the most eco-friendly/cheap/sentimental etc is just as bad as competition over who has the biggest diamond.
Matthia said
see, i'm kind of like a magpie and am attracted to anything sparkly and therefore looooove my ring. However, I did get my fiance one…I never really thought it was fair that I got a rock and he didn't.
I haven't actually had anyone ask me for my measurements yet, but I think I would also go with the whole "I don't know" thing…I mean, it's a little rude right? It's like asking what if cost. I don't go around asking people how much their earrings cost…
kate the great said
My ring is an antique European solitaire from the 1930s. The diamond is a quarter carat, and the band is pink gold. We got it at an estate jeweler. When people see it, they most often call it "cute" and seem to think it's rather sad that I couldn't afford a better ring.
That's never made any sense to me. My ring has history. It isn't ostentatious. It cost $500, which we pooled our money to afford. To me, it's perfect.
Karen said
My ring is, as said above, a 1/4 ct., 4-prongs, on a thin band, regular engagement ring. At about $300, it was what we could afford, and I love it.
Surprisingly, the only person who's asked the size was the lady at the "showroom" when she was taking my resizing order. I thought the general population would be a lot ruder than that, although I will concede to getting a couple of "cutes". But fuck 'em, if they want me to have a bigger/better ring, they should have contributed if they care so much.
tammy said
I actually don't know anything about diamonds, so if I say "I don't know" it's completely honest.
Actually, I've made it perfectly clear that I don't want a diamond. I don't even know if I want a stone in mine. I do want a ring, but it doesn't have to have a stone in it for me to be happy. I suppose if it doesn't have a stone I won't get anyone asking what size it is…but I'm sure I'll get the "you poor thing" comment.
Because Omigod, every woman wants a big-ass diamond! /sarcasm
Kristina said
What I don't understand is some of the judgment associated with it. If people choose not to have an engagement ring, more power to them, but why does it make you less of a person to value tradition? Or, to just want an excuse to buy someone you love something sparkley to commemorate the moment when you asked them to be your partner in life. If it's not for you, then great, but why say others are less for liking it?
Foxglove said
I agree. There's nothing wrong with wanting a diamond for tradition's sake. Diamonds are lovely and sparkly and I get why people like them. I do, however, think people should be mindful of the class/status associations of the diamond (as well as all the problems with diamond-mining and human rights/eco-awareness). There's so much pressure on the guy to furnish his fiance with a big rock, and on the woman to find a guy who can DO that…for me it reeks of dowry, classism, and conservative gender roles.
(To clarify — choosing a diamond doesn't necessarily reek of those things, it's the SOCIAL PRESSURE to choose a diamond, and a big one, that reeks of those things. If the choice is well-thought-out and freely made, there's nothing wrong with it at all).
Gertie said
hehe…some traditions/expectations are whack! My Grandma still uses the phrase, "She got her diamond" when someone gets engaged! GAG!! (unless she secretly means 'she found her one-in-a-million-lifemate' ~doubtful!)
Anyhoo…love my Grandma, but some things are ingrained, i guess!
Lana said
Hey Tammy…I decided that I wanted NO diamond, no stone whatsoever…and I get hella compliments on my heavy-duty wide hammered gold band all the time. It's my engagement ring, soon to be called "my wedding ring". Same ring, yo.
There have been a couple of rude comments such as "that's not an engagement ring, where's the diamond?" but for the most part people (especially men) have loved it. Women have been most likely to wrinkle the nose, but whatever. It's not their ring, it's mine.
farfelue said
kheh I proposed to my dear, so he gets to wear a ring (an eccentric double-ring I picked up at a mom and pop store). He loves it too. I'm just waiting for the 'real' ring. They'll be simple silver bands.
ange said
I have had similar experiences. Some people ask about the 4Cs. I don't know. I don't care.
"But let me tell you about the history…" Some people are interested and some aren't. Again, I don't care.
I have been caught staring at my ring a few times. I will admit to it, but it has nothing to do with the size or stone. I am really excited about what the ring symbolizes.
I am so freaking giddy that we are getting married! (I never thought I would be so excited about a wedding)
86 the bows and matching dresses, please!
Jesscar said
I've never been much of a jewellery person and can never remember the 4cs. I picked out my own ring (with a diamond cos I luuurve sprakly) but like you, I have no idea how many carats or the other c's are. It wasnt something I even looked at when choosing my ring.
My only criterias were did my fiance like it, was it in our budget and did I love the way it looked/felt on my hand. Nothing else matters.
eliza said
i love that you totally called that girl out on her veiled excuse for bragging about her carat size. a little self-awareness, pls brides!
Kit said
I don't love how you called that bride out. It's not like 1carat is bragging rights anyway. She knows how big it is and that's no surprise; most indie brides at least help pick their rings. I'm also not big on just plain lying. Brushing it off by saying you don't care, fine, and if talking to people you don't give a crap about, go ahead and lie, but just because it's not particularly relevant doesn't mean you're not going to know. H3ll, knowing diamond sizing could just be a result of understanding how to make jewelry, like my dad. And as for no diamonds being ecofriendly, it's true, that's not complete bull. They have to be harvested somehow. But Canadian diamonds, for example, do an excellent job caring for the environment when removing their rocks. You can get extra eco-cred for choosing not to dig up pieces of the earth, but don't pretend like you're a goddess because you did what you wanted.
Sara said
My ring isn’t very special visually…other than it has a wanna-be black hills gold look to it..and it’s no longer a diamond in the center. It still has diamonds, just like teeny ones.
It is one of those mass produced gold and diamond rings sold in a department store or a –Mart store. I don’t know which. See, my Dad bought this ring for my mom. This was their wedding and engagement ring. It was welded together shortly after the wedding. My dad paid about $300 for it in the late eighties.
My parents divorced after 7 years. Then, my dad died when I was 14. My mom did drugs (she’s clean now). She pawned her ring at some point. My grandmother bought the ring out of pawn and had a ruby put in it, as it was now her ring and she had always wanted a birthstone ring.
When I got the ring, my grandma handed it to me, not my husband, and I had to wear it on my pinky until we could find an affordable place to get it resized. It was four sizes too small.
People rarely comment on it, and when they do they are obviously under-impressed. And I feel crappy about it. I feel like I should have a better ring… Then I remember that this ring is a family heirloom. It tells the story about the love my parents shared and the love my grandmother has for her daughter and grandchildren (the first to marry would get their pick of my mom’s 2 wedding rings), and finally, of the love my husband and I share. Not to mention that I miss my father terribly and this was a nice way to include him in our wedding (and marriage).
My ring has a lot of history. In fact, it could be a rather depressing reminder of all the shit my life has been. However, I love my ring because of the all that shit, and because I never thought that I’d be blessed enough to be in love.
MORAL OF THE STORY: The best way I have heard wedding rings described is something to the effect of the rings are a symbol of the commitment made between two people as they get married. The rings aren’t the commitment; they are simply the outward sign of what has occurred.
Rizubunny said
I know this is a super-old post…but I still think this is an absolutely beautiful story.
Christie said
My "engagement ring" is actually my promise ring. We've been together for 4 years and for our one year anniversary when we had more money to toss around he got me a promise ring 14k and .2 kt diamond ring, he proposed to me in a bar and i am not emabarassed or ashamed to tell ppl we re-used my promise ring cuz the ring doenst matter. Altho i will be honest and say that i love having a ring with a diamond, i am crow/magpie like and like the shiny things too! *blushes*
Tamara said
I've been asked a couple of times, and have been able to respond in complete honesty "I don't know and I don't care, it's exactly the style I like best and he picked it without my knowing!"
Lisa said
hmm. interesting thread of comments. I have a blue opal- and most of the time people don't recognize that it's an engagement ring even though it's on the right finger (i actually had to ask around about that one. Haha! had no idea!). I actually had the lady at the wedding dress boutique say: "Oh hey! your mood changed- it's blue now!". LOL, I had to inform the BRIDAL boutique lady that no, in fact it's not a mood ring but my engagement ring… haha. It is very interesting that this topic of ring/competition has sparked a lot of debate.
I also am not a fan of lying. But I do believe that LOVE is the most important part to a ring/no ring/bracelet/necklace/symbol.
That and Canadian diamonds are AWESOME.
Allie said
when my boyfriend (now fiance) told me he was likely to propose but couldnt afford a nice diamond I told him to get a fake, and just dont tell anyone. He was shocked at the idea, as his rule with buying jewelery is to buy the best, no fakes, no low quality. I showed him www.carat.cc and got what looks like a 2 carat diamond flanked by 1 carat stones. really, its all fake.