The offbeat bride: Stacy Streuli, Interior Designer (and Offbeat Bride lab rat!)

My offbeat groom: Oliver, video and commercial editor

Location & date of wedding: Small B&B, White Mountains, NH: 10/17/04

What made our wedding offbeat: The things which made our wedding offbeat were mostly due to my staunch refusal to succumb to my mother’s “only daughter” fantasy of a big traditional synagogue wedding with 250 guests. She was actually prepared to take out a loan to finance it. I never wanted the white wedding fantasy, and I wasn’t prepared to bankrupt my mother over it.

I asked both sets of parents to pay 1/4 of the cost, along with us, for a total of 5,000 dollars. I had a hard time using wedding budgeting software at the big bridal sites, because most wouldn’t let me delete line items like “garter” and “cake server” …*eye roll*

I also decided that this was a day to celebrate a very personal act of love between my partner and I, not a day to pay for a bunch of stuff for other people. So I refused to invite anyone whom I didn’t love and who didn’t love me and was an active part of my life. So random far flung relatives got the axe, much to my mother’s dismay. That left 16 invitees, with a total of 18 including my partner and I. I went through a bit of a panic a few times, thinking that for some reason I needed to invite every person I’d ever met — but thankfully, I had an online support group talk me through those episodes.

I refused to invite anyone whom I didn’t love and who didn’t love me and was an active part of my life.

We decided that regardless of where our families lived, we wanted to get married in a place that made us happy: the mountains of the East Coast in full fall foliage. That meant I’d have to plan long distance from California, and that everyone would need to travel to the wedding. So, I made a whole weekend of it, with hikes in local gorges, a cute town to explore, and lots of family style meals. It gave the attendees a mini-vacation, and gave us more time to spend with the people we really love.

We wrote our own non-denominational ceremony, and included every guest with a reading or ring-warming ceremony (passing of the rings). We wanted them to be a part of this commitment we were making, as they were our support system.

I decided that I didn’t want a bachelorette party, and instead invited the women who attended the wedding to come and paint pottery with me at a local artist’s studio. I use the serving platter and bowl that we made frequently, and I always think of the wine we drank and the laughs we shared on that day.

I also felt wonderful patronizing so many local businesses, at the tail end of the tourist season. Everyone was so friendly and didn’t pressure us in any way; they listened and did things just as we’d envisioned them. (We interviewed people who dismissed our ideas or “knew” what we “really” wanted, and those people certainly weren’t hired.)

It was a beautiful fall weekend, spent with people I love, and the wedding was just another part of the fun. Just the way we wanted it!

Our biggest challenge: Our biggest challenge was the contant saying of “no” to family members who just wanted to help. It was hard to deny them paying for something or doing something that they only wanted to do out of love and a desire to help, but saying no to a flower-bedecked huppah was something I just had to do. It wasn’t my style and I’d rather the money was spent on something longer lasting.

I had a lot of minor freakouts over the length of the tablecloths of the style of the folding chairs on the lawn, but I just kept remembering that none of that would matter to me in 10 years, and that I needed to channel my anxiety in a more constructive way.

I needed to constantly ask myself if something would matter 10 years down the road. I had a lot of minor freakouts over the length of the tablecloths of the style of the folding chairs on the lawn, but I just kept remembering that none of that would matter to me in 10 years, and that I needed to channel my anxiety in a more constructive way.

My favorite moment: The morning of the wedding was very stressful. I’m not a morning person, and always envisioned walking down the “aisle” in the late afternoon orangey glow of the Eastern sunset, but I accommodated my best friend and her need to make an afternoon flight by changing to the morning. So, we had our ceremony and had a few hours to kill until dinner. My husband and I went to our room, and just cuddled and grinned silly grins at each other. Then he helped me get out of my wedding dress and had some alone time. Not having to worry about our guests was great, since they were all at the inn with us. It was lovely getting to spend some quality time with the man I’d married, especially so quickly after the ceremony.

My offbeat advice: My advice is to sit with your partner and get it all down on paper how you envision the day that the two of you commit yourself to each other. Once you have it on paper, make a photocopy for your wallet, and refer to it every time you feel pressured to do something that wasn’t in that initial plan. Your parents or his, or friends and family, mean well — but this isn’t a day they’ll remember for the rest of their lives. It needs to be true to what you and your partner feel and wish for. And don’t let vendors bully you. They may have been to a million weddings before yours, but stick to doing things the way you want them.

Enough talk — show me the wedding porn: An intimate New Hampshire wedding

Tell me all about your offbeat wedding!