Indiezilla

Godzilla © by SebastianDooris, used under Creative Commons license.
Thanks to Cassandra for sending me a link to this New York Magazine article:

Attack of the Indiezilla
When getting married becomes an elaborate display of unharnessed self-expression, the result is a wedding that doesn't look like a wedding at all.

The article peeves me a bit, and it's not just the title or the subhead's suggestion that if your wedding doesn't look traditional, it somehow doesn't count. For instance, there's this incredibly weak argument:

One potential problem with planning a wedding without the support of the wedding-industrial complex is just that: the lack of support … Doing things your own way often means doing things yourself.

In other words, you should go the traditional route because it's easier. Well, perhaps that's true. But it's fucking sad and makes me angry. So, you should buy into traditions that degrade you because it's easier? You should spend a fortune on overpriced crap because it's easier? You should let someone else define your marriage because it's easier? You should go to Disneyland on your honeymoon instead of hiking in Costa Rica because it's easier?

It's always easier to use a template rather than making something from scratch. But when you find the template offensive, tacky, overpriced, overdone, or just plain not you, the time investment is worth it.

The article's not all bad, though. It echoes several themes in the book, including the "It Takes A Village" concept — as they say: delegate, delegate, delegate! You don't necessarily need a coordinator, but you do need a support team to lighten your load..

And the piece includes a bit of sane wisdom from Lori, the beloved founder of Indiebride.com:

"It's really easy for anybody, no matter what kind of wedding they're planning, to get caught up. Like any big production, a wedding takes a lot of time and effort. And there is so much pressure to make this event 'the best day of your life.' So if you get a little unhinged, I forgive you. It happened to me; it's happened to almost everyone I know."

In other words: don't freak out if you're freaking out. It happens to everyone. Deep breath.

Anyway, Read the article and decide for yourself.

  1. I kind of don't get what their point is. They seem to be a bit snarky about the whole DIY, different from tradition wedding and yet they are also trying to be "informative" (one of the authors had a very non traditional wedding). Also, I totally disagree with their point that the political should be kept out of weddings. If it's a reflection of the couple and their beliefs, it should absolutely be in the wedding. For some, marriage is a political act.

  2. i dont even think it is true that buying into the wedding industry is "easier". i have made a rule that anything relating to my wedding that doesnt leave me feeling serene is out. so far going "indie" has been far easier and more conducive to serenity. buying my dress on ebay was a lot easier than going into a million bridal salons, booking appontments, trying on dresses i knew i wouldnt like and couldnt afford. every part of our wedding planning has been the most easy and natural decision
    so i hardly think it is arguable that doing things that "fit" you are going to be more difficult or time consuming. if it is what you know and what you are used to it will likely go more smoothly than trying to fit into the american bride mold that you know nothing about.

  3. I've noticed that the whole push to be "indie" is just as pushy as being "traditional". It's the same kind of social pressures, just from the other side. Marketing, they all want you to buy their stuff and don't really care if you like it so long as you buy it.

    I'm not "indie", I"m not "traditional", I'm Me, and We are getting married.

    The only reason anyone should care about how my wedding looks or what I wear is because they have an invested interest in parting me from my money. The wedding industry makes me about as sick as the funeral industry. "Well you want to have a 'special day' don't you?" Our day is going to be special because we make it special, not because I bought a dress or had 100 napkins printed.

    5 agree
  4. i'm not even a bride to be (yet) but i've been helping a friend out – and anything related to the traditional market gives me a coronary. it's way too expensive, bland and boring. i mean, i know a FASHION DESIGNER who paid 6K for her OWN dress?! that is ridiculous to me. if i could sew anything beyond a button, i'd make my own.

    keep up the good work. :)

  5. They just don't want you to not spend a zillion dollars on the monopoly they've formed and are defending… it's so transparent.

  6. I actually thought it was pretty well done. I really like this part in their introduction: "When does self-expression become a narcissistic performance? And is it ever okay to offend the family with nontraditional choices?" These are valid questions that I think a great many of us deal with when trying to find a healthy moderation. I know Offbeat Bride's been around for a while, but it's nice to see other blogs pick up these issues too.

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