We don't want wedding bands…ever. So we decided on tattoos, but this leaves us "finger-naked" for the ceremony. I thought I hit a home run with the idea of using ribbon and "tying the knot" to symbolize the damn thing, but he wasn't too thrilled about that. Got any ideas? —Roan
To help me answer this question, I decided to pull on the expertise of two wedding officiants — my parents! They're both Internet-ordained ministers, and between the two of them they've married dozens of people, often helping couple craft their ceremonies from scratch. They have different styles of officiating, though, so may I present to you the first edition of DUELING OFFICIANTS!
In one corner, we have my father, the Reverend Dr. David Stallings. With a background in Zen Buddhism and Tibetan philosophy, he's a poet, and a former University professor. In the other corner, we have my mother, Reverend Therese Yakshi Charvet. She's comes from more of a Pagan/Wiccan perspective, with a focus on Earth-based religions and ceremonies. I presented them both with Roan's question, and here were their answers:
| Reverend Stallings: I think it would be desirable to create and exchange alternative pieces of jewelry, e.g. a necklace or amulet or even lighters, as mentioned in Offbeat Bride. Another possibility would be to create short term rings that after the wedding could then be, for example, removed, opened by the jeweler, then closed on each other (like an infinity symbol) and put in a special box. Or deposited in a lake. Or buried somewhere. An alternative idea is a twist on the ribbon idea: distribute a long ribbon among the guests (using a helper or two, depending on the number of attendees), with each person winding the ribbon around their wrist, and passing it on. This creates some humorous situations, which is fine. Presumably no one has to go anywhere for the next 10 minutes. Once distributed and brought back to the couple, they tie it around their wrists as well, effectively joining all present. This is part of the essence of a wedding — sharing of selves in front of/with your community. A few appropriate words to this effect can be spoken by officiant or bride and groom. A fine touch is to subsequently cut the ribbon into individual pieces and distribute to each person attending the wedding, with the request that they tie it on a wrist and wear it for, say, a day or a week, along with the couple. This could serve as a fine surrogate for a ring exchange. |
Reverend Charvet: First off, talk it over between the two of you and find out what it is about the ring-exchange that you DO want—a symbol of some sort, right?? Find out what resonates with both of you about the underlying symbology of wedding rings. Once you have a handle on what you want it to mean, then look for another symbol to express it. At my own offbeat wedding, a hula hoop was used as the substitute for the ring exchange — it was dropped over us, encircling us on the ground. Be creative! The important thing is that you both understand and feel connected to the symbol, whatever it is! Good Luck! |
Oh but wait! Not to be outdone, I must submit my own suggestion, inspired by this photo:
This couple tied small locks of their hair to balloons, which they then released during the ceremony! Such a great idea, and something that could act as a great ceremonial stand-in for a ring exchange. I'm not an officiant, but that's my contribution to the idea repository. Anyone else have any great ideas?
Comments on "Ring-free wedding ceremony"
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Offbeat Bride | Rjyan and Roby’s wedding
February 20th, 2007 · 12:47 PM · #
[...] included this photo in my last post, but I can't help but blog about the "Magical Musical Picnic," the wedding of [...]
Tamara Weikel | artist, improviser, dj, singer, & composer » Wedding crash-course!!
April 12th, 2007 · 4:23 PM · #
[...] other weddings helped me feel really free to open it up and get creative with my own ideas. Plus this made me want to call my [...]
Miss Alexandra
May 12th, 2007 · 4:53 AM · #
i think you and your fiance need to sit down together and watch "count of monte cristo" and then see how he feels about the string/ribbon idea!
De
October 31st, 2007 · 11:09 AM · #
If you're getting the tattoos *instead* of rings, why not keep them covered/not show them to each other until the ceremony, and have the other person "lift" the covering to reveal the tats?
Of course this only works if their in a body location you're okay with sharing
.
There is also the idea of taking a moment and 'marking' one another, similar to the tattoo idea, just for the ceremony. Each pick a color of ink, and roll a finger in it, and place a fingerprint on the other person. "with this print I mark you as my partner…"?
Something like that.
Jasmine
December 1st, 2007 · 12:27 AM · #
Friends of mine had exactly the same dilemma. They shose to plant a kiss on each other's tattoos -drawing attwntion to their 'rings'. It was terribly sweet, far sweeter than anything else I've seen
Offbeat Bride | Getting married without the rings
February 26th, 2008 · 4:34 AM · #
[...] The dueling officiants give their take on ring-free wedding ceremonies [...]
Cate
February 26th, 2008 · 3:00 PM · #
So maybe I'm simplistic here, but is any symbol necessary? Isn't the meaning in the vows and the love? The visual/physical symbols of rings and ribbons and balloons and hula hoops, aren't they all just icing on the cake? If they have personal meaning to the couple they have a place in the ceremony but otherwise a physical symbol of the marriage is just consumerism.
Cate – who knows she is standing out on a limb.
Sara
February 27th, 2008 · 7:28 AM · #
So the environmentalist in me has to say, not a big fan of the "releasing balloons" idea, as they'll just deflate and come down somewhere, creating unnecessary litter.
Arietta
April 13th, 2008 · 5:58 AM · #
you cn now get eco friendly balloons from most party shops , i have used them for a friends funeral wrer we all let balloons take her away on the wind
)
Kimberleee
April 28th, 2008 · 6:49 AM · #
My fiancee and I are also getting tattoos and not exchanging rings….though we're getting the tattoos after the ceremony. We decided however, because I come from a Peruvian background to exchange "arras" in place of the the traditional ring exchange. The tradition of exchanging arras is to exchange "coins" with each other to symbolize the future wealth and abundance of the marriage.
Perhaps instead of exchanging "rings" you could exchange an object of some meaningful between the two of you?
I dont know…just offering some advice.
Betty
July 17th, 2008 · 12:19 PM · #
I went to a wedding where they placed symbols of the life they wanted to create into a bag and then buried it. For instance he put a jelly bean in represent good taste. She put in a rubber chicken for humor that she would bring. There was also a piece of doll furniture to represent keeping perspective on the small stuff.
Ashley Wiseman
September 15th, 2008 · 8:10 PM · #
My dilemma is that I do want a ring, but my fiancee will not be wearing one. I am fortunate enough for my grandmother to have given her beautiful vintage set to my then boyfriend to give me before she passed away. He, however, doesn't want a ring, and it doesn't mesh well with his career (as an archaeologist.) Although I am more than fine with this, I feel like I should reciprocate somehow when he gives me my band. Any great brainstormers out there…?
katie
September 30th, 2008 · 5:38 PM · #
I have an engagement ring I love. the diamonds are from my mother's original ring (3). Now I is shaped unusual and i would need to have a band designed around the ring. Do I have to have a band?
fran
September 30th, 2008 · 5:40 PM · #
as mother of the bride….i'm into tradition. my daughter loves her engagement ring and does not want to wear a band with it. It's an unusual shape. but her future husband will wear a band. Any suggestions on how to do this?
suz
October 1st, 2008 · 7:36 AM · #
In response to Fran, I recently got married and decided because my engagement ring was quite unusual that I wouldnt wear a band although my husband was having one – so I just took my engagement ring off the day before and gave it to the best man and we exchanged rings as normal on the day. We also exchanged coins (we got married in Ireland and it is traditional there. As my husband works as a coin dealer we exchanged pieces of 8 (pirate treasure) although as the priest remarked, they were probably stolen property!
Offbeat Bride | Wedding anklet
October 15th, 2008 · 5:29 AM · #
[...] In the past, I've answered advice questions from folks who are like "We don't want to exchange rings! How do we do a ceremony without wedding rings?" [...]
rae sikora
December 25th, 2008 · 8:10 AM · #
ok, not to dampen the suggestion about releasing locks of hair…
but balloon releasing is major issue for wildlife.
Please dont encourage this.
thanks!
cupcakepharaoh
January 14th, 2009 · 12:29 PM · #
i have 2 words:
RING POPS!
hutnawa
March 30th, 2009 · 3:11 PM · #
I am getting married this summer in a traditional Iroquois ceremony that does not involve a ring exchange. Instead, the bride and groom exchange items in baskets that symbolize how they are going to take care of each other throughout their marriage. We have simple bands that we're exchanging privately the day before.