To get away with the budget we've set our for ourselves, private property is a must for our location.
This means Honey Buckets for everyone.
If we go that route, how do we tactfully let guests know that's the deal?
Porta potties have gotten a bad rap at music festivals and campgrounds. Typically, the blue-water nightmares at crowded outdoor events are poorly maintained and abused by drunks, and you're more likely to find a turd on the toilet seat than you are a roll of toilet paper. But have you ever been in a freshly-delivered porta potty? They're actually just fine! Clean, unsmelly, and totally inoffensive. If you get porta potties for the property where you're hosting your wedding, you'll see that they aren't as bad as you thought. But porta potties are secretly hilarious to everyone, and your goal is to make the most of that.
… Porta potties are secretly hilarious to everyone, and your goal is to make the most of that.
THAT SAID! Guests could indeed be a little bit shocked upon arrival, so you're wise to let them know what to expect.
IDEA THE FIRST: HUMOR
A little humor can go a long way towards making it seem like, sure: you know this is a little uncouth, but we're all friends here and isn't this funny?! Because really: poo is always funny! Make the most of this comedic goldmine, but do it in a classy way if you can.
IDEA THE SECOND: POETRY
Might I suggest a poem? Because poetry always makes feces seem classy. Limericks, especially! Perhaps something like this could be included with your invites:
A note about the facilities:
Since our wedding is on lovely but private land,
Our restroom options are limited — but we've planned
To have porta potties for all of you,
To make use of whilst you do things like pee and poo,
And we promise the potties will be quite grand.
IDEA THE THIRD: DECORATE
Then of course you'll need to follow through on your promise — "grand" porta potties? Oh YES, darling. You really haven't done wedding decorations until you've spruced up a porta potty. You could go simple and floral, like this or this. Perhaps a fish theme? (er, then again, perhaps not.) Make sure you include at least a couple strings of battery-powered Christmas tree lights, but don't go quite this over the top. Put a few nicely scented candles inside the porta potty, and post more poetry or even the story of how the two of you met on the inside of the door where toilet-seated guests can read it and enjoy it.
But seriously: have fun with it. Go by the theory that if you make fun of yourself first, no one else seems to gripe on their own. You KNOW the porta potties aren't classy, so mock them and make the most of it. Hell, cheezy bride & groom toilet paper anyone? Why the fuck not! Find a fun way to let your guests know in advance (my poem may be way over the top, but you get the idea), and then do what you can to add a little hilarious flair to the facilities themselves.
… And if your guests give you grief for using porta potties, you just tell about MY wedding, where guests pooped into sawdust-filled buckets using a composting system my mother calls "humanure." I am not kidding.