Comments on: Offbeat Bride + Traditional Groom = ?!?

By: Eee

Eee — Thu, 17 May 2012 07:19:23 +0000

This is a great article! My fiance had only been to traditional weddings in the past, and so he had a narrow idea of what a wedding was supposed to be. At the beginning of the process, he accused me of "picking weird stuff just to be weird". Which, honestly, I kind of was. We've since met in the middle. If a traditional element is important to him, I don't try to change his mind just because it's not offbeat. And he is much more open to those offbeat elements that are important to me. For instance, we took all of the "man and wife" stuff out of the traditional wedding script that our pastor gave us. He's slightly more religious than me, but it was really important to both of us not to encourage the "marriage is only for a man and a woman" even in a more traditional setting. At first he didn't want to mess with it, but agreed with me that it didn't sit right with our personal agenda.

By: HungryGrad

HungryGrad — Wed, 16 May 2012 12:57:53 +0000

There's a lot of good stuff in here! Asking "why" is the best thing. Also, there's usually a way to artfully meld disparate styles.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Wed, 16 May 2012 06:34:08 +0000

My love and I are in this situation. We've two months to go and we've each given up things. We're going to do a traditional state ceremony (his), with our own vows and readings (ours), but then I get to nerd up the reception (mine!!!). I originally wanted a Jedi or Harry Potter themed wedding, but hes really big on the whole tux and white dress thing, but with no mention of a higher power. I've snuck in one pagan reading, but it is something I will say, so hes fine with it.
I tried to throw the "I'm the bride" card around, but it seemed selfish and petty considering we're making vows of equality and love. Also, were it not for his meticulous saving, we'd not have money for the wedding at all.

By: Bonni

Bonni — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 06:51:53 +0000

Thankyou thankyou thankyou!!
I like the other commenters are having ezactly this problem. You've mede me feel better about the traditional stuff that my partner insists on having in our wedding. All I want is for our wedding NOT to be a carbon copy of every other wedding we have been to – a wedding that truly reflects who we are not just something 'we had to do bacause thats the way its done'.
I know I have been lucky so far.. we're getting married outside but my partner wanted to get married in a church, we're having a weird and wonderful topsy turvy cake after both of us comprimising and agreeing on a cake style we both liked.
I must admit though there are some things I have kepts secret from him until the big day (eg my shoes and bouquet) but he loves me and he'll understand and marry me anyway =)

By: TJ

TJ — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 06:15:27 +0000

Yeah, my fiance isn't so much conservative as he doesn't want people to think he's a weirdo (although for some reason, he thinks that having someone sing during your ceremony is weird).
We had a chat the week after getting engaged about each of our top three priorities for the wedding. His were doing as little public speaking as possible/not writing his own vows, the food and the bar; mine were the wedding's overall feel (casual), the photography and the food. Sure, I had to ditch my ideas about individually written tearjerker vows (instead I wrote a set we'll both say), but otherwise, all we had to do was agree on a caterer.
In exchange for free reign over the rest of the wedding (sans his bar), he's in charge of the honeymoon planning. It all works out.

By: Liz T

Liz T — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:52:10 +0000

It also might help brides to remind your partners that they're marrying YOU, not some traditional bride. Shouldn't the wedding reflect the person ze fell in love with, in all hir offbeat glory?

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 15:57:59 +0000

I haven't come across this problem as much as many commenters are describing; however, my fiance does have more conventional tastes than me. What I have found is that explaining why I want certain things really helps. Explaining that the outfit I want is important to represent my personality and make me feel like the wedding is my event, not just a magazine spread I've stepped into, has helped him be cool with the non-conventional look I'm planning. I also came up with the idea to do a handfasting (after seeing it on this site), and at first he was like "What is that? You just tie ropes on your arms? Is that some weird pagan thing? My family is going to laugh at us." But now that I have told him more about the tradition, the symbolism, and showed him some weddings that included handfastings, he actually says he really likes the idea and prefers it over others. I think for some brides-to-be, you will find that if you just talk to your FH about your ideas a little more, he will be more open to them.

By: Isabel

Isabel — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 12:23:25 +0000

This is really great article. I suppose many couples have this problem, and it is important to find an agreement. Thanks for posting

By: ffem

ffem — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:44:46 +0000

So I searched the first 17 pages of advice to find just this! my fiancee has been married 3 times before with 3 VERY traditional weddings. I don't want a traditional wedding because 1) the simple fact that it's different from the last 3, and 2) i don't agree with the "why" of the traditional stuff (i.e. why does the father walk his daughter down the aisle). Thanks Ariel.

By: Megan

Megan — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:14:45 +0000

Holy crap! I'm not the only one! My fiance is meat-and-potatoes; crispy on the outside but tender and juicy on the inside whereas I'm the goofy fruitbat who wants a craft table and a tattoo-themed wedding cake. He's a little apprehensive when I bring up my ideas, but lets me run with them. I really want our day to be OUR day, and maybe showing him all the great ideas on the website might help. Good suggestion!