Comments on: Offbeat Bride + Traditional Groom = ?!?

By: Bonni

Bonni — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 06:51:53 +0000

Thankyou thankyou thankyou!!
I like the other commenters are having ezactly this problem. You've mede me feel better about the traditional stuff that my partner insists on having in our wedding. All I want is for our wedding NOT to be a carbon copy of every other wedding we have been to – a wedding that truly reflects who we are not just something 'we had to do bacause thats the way its done'.
I know I have been lucky so far.. we're getting married outside but my partner wanted to get married in a church, we're having a weird and wonderful topsy turvy cake after both of us comprimising and agreeing on a cake style we both liked.
I must admit though there are some things I have kepts secret from him until the big day (eg my shoes and bouquet) but he loves me and he'll understand and marry me anyway =)

By: TJ

TJ — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 06:15:27 +0000

Yeah, my fiance isn't so much conservative as he doesn't want people to think he's a weirdo (although for some reason, he thinks that having someone sing during your ceremony is weird).
We had a chat the week after getting engaged about each of our top three priorities for the wedding. His were doing as little public speaking as possible/not writing his own vows, the food and the bar; mine were the wedding's overall feel (casual), the photography and the food. Sure, I had to ditch my ideas about individually written tearjerker vows (instead I wrote a set we'll both say), but otherwise, all we had to do was agree on a caterer.
In exchange for free reign over the rest of the wedding (sans his bar), he's in charge of the honeymoon planning. It all works out.

By: Liz T

Liz T — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:52:10 +0000

It also might help brides to remind your partners that they're marrying YOU, not some traditional bride. Shouldn't the wedding reflect the person ze fell in love with, in all hir offbeat glory?

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 15:57:59 +0000

I haven't come across this problem as much as many commenters are describing; however, my fiance does have more conventional tastes than me. What I have found is that explaining why I want certain things really helps. Explaining that the outfit I want is important to represent my personality and make me feel like the wedding is my event, not just a magazine spread I've stepped into, has helped him be cool with the non-conventional look I'm planning. I also came up with the idea to do a handfasting (after seeing it on this site), and at first he was like "What is that? You just tie ropes on your arms? Is that some weird pagan thing? My family is going to laugh at us." But now that I have told him more about the tradition, the symbolism, and showed him some weddings that included handfastings, he actually says he really likes the idea and prefers it over others. I think for some brides-to-be, you will find that if you just talk to your FH about your ideas a little more, he will be more open to them.

By: Isabel

Isabel — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 12:23:25 +0000

This is really great article. I suppose many couples have this problem, and it is important to find an agreement. Thanks for posting

By: ffem

ffem — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:44:46 +0000

So I searched the first 17 pages of advice to find just this! my fiancee has been married 3 times before with 3 VERY traditional weddings. I don't want a traditional wedding because 1) the simple fact that it's different from the last 3, and 2) i don't agree with the "why" of the traditional stuff (i.e. why does the father walk his daughter down the aisle). Thanks Ariel.

By: Megan

Megan — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:14:45 +0000

Holy crap! I'm not the only one! My fiance is meat-and-potatoes; crispy on the outside but tender and juicy on the inside whereas I'm the goofy fruitbat who wants a craft table and a tattoo-themed wedding cake. He's a little apprehensive when I bring up my ideas, but lets me run with them. I really want our day to be OUR day, and maybe showing him all the great ideas on the website might help. Good suggestion!

By: sirens

sirens — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 08:01:25 +0000

I have been having similar problems with my soon to be husband, but with us we are both off beat… just in opposite directions. His ideal wedding would have been in a grave yard wearing a cape where as i swing for a 1950's tea party. Luckily we have both been able to compromise on what was really important to us both. Although now he wants us to be married by a priest in traditional robes and the idea just makes me laugh…. HELP!

By: Bobbi

Bobbi — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:23:11 +0000

My husband-to-be is the exact same way. He wants the most traditional wedding, where I just want a party. So we've compromised our way through the enire planning which I actually find great, because we have really made it "ours". For example, he wants me in white…it's just gotta be white. So I got a dress that is white in the front and black in the back. So he's happy, I'm happy. He didn't like the idea I had for the wedding cake so instead of having a "Bride's Cake" and a "Groom's Cake" we are having 1 cake with elements that we both came up with. You may not get the wedding of your dreams, but you will get the wedding of you and your future husband's dreams and that is much more special.

By: Offbeat Bride | Kat’s Ottawa wedding was all about the offbeat details

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:36:07 +0000

[...] had our own ideas of how our wedding should be — I'm more "out there" while he's more traditional — and we had to find middle ground where we were both happy. Figuring out which ideas were [...]