Comments on: The memoirist's curse http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides Sat, 20 Mar 2010 03:47:54 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Kit http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-14248 Kit Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:45:46 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-14248 I can't blame her for being upset what with all those kids dying in cars lately. Apparently it only takes ten minutes if you're unlucky and can happen even in winter. Urgh, you got lucky, kid. Still, before it became a prevalent issue, I can understand leaving kids in cars. My parents always left our dogs in the cars and we had no idea it could kill them in the shade. I can't blame her for being upset what with all those kids dying in cars lately. Apparently it only takes ten minutes if you're unlucky and can happen even in winter. Urgh, you got lucky, kid. Still, before it became a prevalent issue, I can understand leaving kids in cars. My parents always left our dogs in the cars and we had no idea it could kill them in the shade.
Report
]]> By: carol http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-153 carol Thu, 25 May 2006 20:48:35 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-153 Ariel, I'm 60 and an old hippie with a 25 year old daughter. I loved your story. I am often afraid to express my needs to my daughter because I don't want her to know me as weak or conflicted, but she does anyway. It is so wonderful how the seeds we plant turn into a different flower than we expected, more beautiful . Ariel,

I'm 60 and an old hippie with a 25 year old daughter. I loved your story. I am often afraid to express my needs to my daughter because I don't want her to know me as weak or conflicted, but she does anyway. It is so wonderful how the seeds we plant turn into a different flower than we expected, more beautiful .

Report
]]> By: Ariella http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-152 Ariella Fri, 31 Mar 2006 18:30:07 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-152 Ariel, that is a lovely story. My mother passed away a little under a year ago, and I wish I had been there with her when she died. Although it may not seem like it, it is a gift to be able to tell your loved ones goodbye (estranged or not, because my family is mostly estranged). I wish you and your mother the best. Ariel, that is a lovely story. My mother passed away a little under a year ago, and I wish I had been there with her when she died. Although it may not seem like it, it is a gift to be able to tell your loved ones goodbye (estranged or not, because my family is mostly estranged).

I wish you and your mother the best.

Report
]]> By: amy.leblanc http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-151 amy.leblanc Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:43:24 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-151 i think you should feel lucky that you are comfortable in publishing/sharing these types of things, these sacred, secret types of things, while your mother is still alive. it signifys that you have a deep understanding with eachother that you ARE each your own person, and that your life is just as valid as hers-not dependent on, not shadowed by. you are also lucky that she is here now for you while you write, instead of you waiting years and her being gone and you having only your memory. your writing of her has so much emotion and life now, because of it, and i think that goes for everyone in your life who you may write about in your novel, or here - capture them now, do it with love, and they will appreciate it. i think you should feel lucky that you are comfortable in publishing/sharing these types of things, these sacred, secret types of things, while your mother is still alive. it signifys that you have a deep understanding with eachother that you ARE each your own person, and that your life is just as valid as hers-not dependent on, not shadowed by. you are also lucky that she is here now for you while you write, instead of you waiting years and her being gone and you having only your memory. your writing of her has so much emotion and life now, because of it, and i think that goes for everyone in your life who you may write about in your novel, or here – capture them now, do it with love, and they will appreciate it.
Report
]]> By: Kari http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-150 Kari Sat, 25 Mar 2006 15:58:11 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-150 I think it's more important to be true to your own perceptions of reality than to the people you're writing about. The fact is, the experiences you had shape who you are, and life is perception anyway. My siblings and I lived through many of the same things and continue to have markedly different takes on them. Each of us is unique and from what I've heard about your mother, she will eventually be proud that you are strong enough to come up with your own independent assessment of your life. Write on! I think it's more important to be true to your own perceptions of reality than to the people you're writing about. The fact is, the experiences you had shape who you are, and life is perception anyway. My siblings and I lived through many of the same things and continue to have markedly different takes on them. Each of us is unique and from what I've heard about your mother, she will eventually be proud that you are strong enough to come up with your own independent assessment of your life. Write on!
Report
]]> By: donut http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-149 donut Wed, 22 Mar 2006 17:21:08 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-149 Very interesting post. I think this is an obstacle all writers must overcome to some degree, but most particularly memoirists and "personal essay" types. My mother doesn't have the slightest idea what my novel is about, but she has made me swear up and down that it isn't about her - not even a little bit, not even in a coded way that would allow her friends to speculate that I might be talking about her. I've done my best to follow her wishes, as I have no desire to disrespect or upset my mother, but it's hard to be sure nothing has slipped through the cracks. I tried to circumvent the problem by killing off my protagonist's mother on pg8 - hopefully that will be enough. Very interesting post. I think this is an obstacle all writers must overcome to some degree, but most particularly memoirists and "personal essay" types.

My mother doesn't have the slightest idea what my novel is about, but she has made me swear up and down that it isn't about her – not even a little bit, not even in a coded way that would allow her friends to speculate that I might be talking about her. I've done my best to follow her wishes, as I have no desire to disrespect or upset my mother, but it's hard to be sure nothing has slipped through the cracks. I tried to circumvent the problem by killing off my protagonist's mother on pg8 – hopefully that will be enough.

Report
]]> By: rosie http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-148 rosie Wed, 22 Mar 2006 16:45:06 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-148 This comment is more about your upcoming book.....it sounds AWESOME! I worked in the floral business for years and saw all the hideous unoriginal trappings that go along with a traditional wedding. Snore! Boring! Don't get me started on how impersonal they've all become.... I've always thought about writing a book on how you can throw a really great wedding on the cheap....I'm sure you have some great ideas there! Oh- I am not married, but when I am planning on it (soon) I will need your book for sure! (And I remember something about thrift store coffee mugs....GREAT idea ;-) -Rosie This comment is more about your upcoming book…..it sounds AWESOME! I worked in the floral business for years and saw all the hideous unoriginal trappings that go along with a traditional wedding. Snore! Boring! Don't get me started on how impersonal they've all become….
I've always thought about writing a book on how you can throw a really great wedding on the cheap….I'm sure you have some great ideas there!
Oh- I am not married, but when I am planning on it (soon) I will need your book for sure!
(And I remember something about thrift store coffee mugs….GREAT idea ;-)

-Rosie

Report
]]> By: Carrie http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-147 Carrie Wed, 22 Mar 2006 13:14:29 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-147 Ariel, Don't change a thing. Do not apologize. It is a memoir, your recollections and perspective. Any mother would be proud to have a daughter like you with so much respect and love for her mother. To me, that was the message of the piece. Also, I wouldn't "dumb down" your writing. Your audience is not at the 6th gr. reading level. Your audience loves the big words and deep thoughts. Keep on keeping on! Ariel,

Don't change a thing. Do not apologize. It is a memoir, your recollections and perspective. Any mother would be proud to have a daughter like you with so much respect and love for her mother. To me, that was the message of the piece.

Also, I wouldn't "dumb down" your writing. Your audience is not at the 6th gr. reading level. Your audience loves the big words and deep thoughts.

Keep on keeping on!

Report
]]> By: Kathy http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-146 Kathy Wed, 22 Mar 2006 04:46:00 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-146 Intense stuff. I'm glad you feel you got a lot from the workshop. Now that I'm a mother myself I can tell you that things look different from this side of the mother-daughter equasion. Remember too that you mom is going to be sensitized by the loss she has experienced. Grieving is hard and difficult work. Thanks for sharing. I think veering into vulnerability is scary but the work benefits from taking the risk. This piece was moving. Maybe your mother's need was also for you to have an opportunity to learn. Death is the ultimate teacher. Intense stuff. I'm glad you feel you got a lot from the workshop.

Now that I'm a mother myself I can tell you that things look different from this side of the mother-daughter equasion. Remember too that you mom is going to be sensitized by the loss she has experienced. Grieving is hard and difficult work. Thanks for sharing. I think veering into vulnerability is scary but the work benefits from taking the risk. This piece was moving. Maybe your mother's need was also for you to have an opportunity to learn. Death is the ultimate teacher.

Report
]]> By: leandra http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-145 leandra Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:10:51 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-145 your dilemma amuses me only because its a classic theme ..i think even sex and the city had an episode about this. carrie writes her book, and then certain individuals/characters/ proceed to harass her for weeks wanting to get to the bottom of her writing, deconstructing every insight until carrie is ready to freak! i've seen/read/heard many other stories along these lines...you know this right? i would hate for you to not honestly share your insights with the world. i can understand why you might be afraid to bear the reaction of any and all who might take offense at your viewpoint, but i dunno, i think its worth it. we all have our points of view on everything..doesn't mean they're more then that, ya know? i think people referred to in your writing will just need to understand that they are being given the opportunity to understand you better, and perhaps themselves a bit better. and in the end, its just your perspective. in short, don't change a thing...as a writer you have a responsibility to tell it how you see it : ) amen, sistah. and anyway, your view of your mom is funny. i can see how she wouldn't appreciate it, but she also has to understand that you're her daughter and well, you're gonna have the princess complex, eh? i am sure jade would write something equally ..umm, i don't know the word, but basically, equally admiring and resenting the power she holds over you? your dilemma amuses me only because its a classic theme ..i think even sex and the city had an episode about this. carrie writes her book, and then certain individuals/characters/ proceed to harass her for weeks wanting to get to the bottom of her writing, deconstructing every insight until carrie is ready to freak! i've seen/read/heard many other stories along these lines…you know this right?

i would hate for you to not honestly share your insights with the world. i can understand why you might be afraid to bear the reaction of any and all who might take offense at your viewpoint, but i dunno, i think its worth it. we all have our points of view on everything..doesn't mean they're more then that, ya know? i think people referred to in your writing will just need to understand that they are being given the opportunity to understand you better, and perhaps themselves a bit better. and in the end, its just your perspective.

in short, don't change a thing…as a writer you have a responsibility to tell it how you see it : )

amen, sistah.

and anyway, your view of your mom is funny. i can see how she wouldn't appreciate it, but she also has to understand that you're her daughter and well, you're gonna have the princess complex, eh? i am sure jade would write something equally ..umm, i don't know the word, but basically, equally admiring and resenting the power she holds over you?

Report
]]>