Comments on: The memoirist's curse http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides Thu, 24 May 2012 22:14:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Heidi http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-76381 Heidi Sun, 26 Sep 2010 10:32:21 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-76381 Ariel, I can see where your mom got the impression she felt you were giving her when she first read it. That being said, I think the piece is lovely, and you should not change a thing. Your mom is wonderful, but she is not perfect. No woman is perfect. Only gods and goddesses are perfect, and even they are flawed. Besides, it begs to question what is perfect anyway. It is my hope if your mom reads your book, and subsequently talks about it with you, that she will finally learn how you feel about her, instead how she assumes you feel about her. It will hurt her a bit. Not because you are insulting her, but because she has built an idea in her mind of how you see her. Seeing your feelings about her on paper was a shock for her, but possibly a good shock. She may be a queen now, but her transition to crone should mark her with countless wisdom. Honest, true, hard-to-swallow wisdom. Not what she perceives as wisdom simply because it suits her mindset. Again, your mother is a wonderful person. I am sure she has made genuine sacrifices in her life in order to raise you (if she hadn't, then she missed the "mother" transition), but I feel she did. Her lesson in life now, in order to transition to crone, is to learn to speak honestly and humbly. I think she will get there, this is a difficult transition, but it should be no surprise to her that her daughter will herald her to this phase in her life. Ariel,

I can see where your mom got the impression she felt you were giving her when she first read it.

That being said, I think the piece is lovely, and you should not change a thing.

Your mom is wonderful, but she is not perfect. No woman is perfect. Only gods and goddesses are perfect, and even they are flawed. Besides, it begs to question what is perfect anyway.

It is my hope if your mom reads your book, and subsequently talks about it with you, that she will finally learn how you feel about her, instead how she assumes you feel about her.

It will hurt her a bit. Not because you are insulting her, but because she has built an idea in her mind of how you see her. Seeing your feelings about her on paper was a shock for her, but possibly a good shock.

She may be a queen now, but her transition to crone should mark her with countless wisdom. Honest, true, hard-to-swallow wisdom. Not what she perceives as wisdom simply because it suits her mindset.

Again, your mother is a wonderful person. I am sure she has made genuine sacrifices in her life in order to raise you (if she hadn't, then she missed the "mother" transition), but I feel she did.

Her lesson in life now, in order to transition to crone, is to learn to speak honestly and humbly. I think she will get there, this is a difficult transition, but it should be no surprise to her that her daughter will herald her to this phase in her life.

]]> By: Casey http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-75886 Casey Fri, 17 Sep 2010 15:44:05 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-75886 If nothing else, this brought you two a chance to know each other better and see through the other's eyes. While that's not going to be comfortable, it really is a gift you gave to the both of you. Great post! If nothing else, this brought you two a chance to know each other better and see through the other's eyes. While that's not going to be comfortable, it really is a gift you gave to the both of you.

Great post!

]]> By: Kate W http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-75744 Kate W Wed, 15 Sep 2010 12:54:19 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-75744 Ariel, Thanks for sharing this. Truly beautiful! Being one of those women who doesn't always see eye-to-eye with my mother I'm inspired to listen to her a little better than I have in the past. All the best. Ariel,

Thanks for sharing this. Truly beautiful! Being one of those women who doesn't always see eye-to-eye with my mother I'm inspired to listen to her a little better than I have in the past.

All the best.

]]> By: Sara B http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-75670 Sara B Mon, 13 Sep 2010 20:18:21 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-75670 I think I have to go call my hippy mom. *tear* I think I have to go call my hippy mom. *tear*
]]> By: carol http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-153 carol Thu, 25 May 2006 20:48:35 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-153 Ariel, I'm 60 and an old hippie with a 25 year old daughter. I loved your story. I am often afraid to express my needs to my daughter because I don't want her to know me as weak or conflicted, but she does anyway. It is so wonderful how the seeds we plant turn into a different flower than we expected, more beautiful . Ariel,

I'm 60 and an old hippie with a 25 year old daughter. I loved your story. I am often afraid to express my needs to my daughter because I don't want her to know me as weak or conflicted, but she does anyway. It is so wonderful how the seeds we plant turn into a different flower than we expected, more beautiful .

]]> By: Ariella http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-152 Ariella Fri, 31 Mar 2006 18:30:07 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-152 Ariel, that is a lovely story. My mother passed away a little under a year ago, and I wish I had been there with her when she died. Although it may not seem like it, it is a gift to be able to tell your loved ones goodbye (estranged or not, because my family is mostly estranged). I wish you and your mother the best. Ariel, that is a lovely story. My mother passed away a little under a year ago, and I wish I had been there with her when she died. Although it may not seem like it, it is a gift to be able to tell your loved ones goodbye (estranged or not, because my family is mostly estranged).

I wish you and your mother the best.

]]> By: amy.leblanc http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-151 amy.leblanc Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:43:24 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-151 i think you should feel lucky that you are comfortable in publishing/sharing these types of things, these sacred, secret types of things, while your mother is still alive. it signifys that you have a deep understanding with eachother that you ARE each your own person, and that your life is just as valid as hers-not dependent on, not shadowed by. you are also lucky that she is here now for you while you write, instead of you waiting years and her being gone and you having only your memory. your writing of her has so much emotion and life now, because of it, and i think that goes for everyone in your life who you may write about in your novel, or here - capture them now, do it with love, and they will appreciate it. i think you should feel lucky that you are comfortable in publishing/sharing these types of things, these sacred, secret types of things, while your mother is still alive. it signifys that you have a deep understanding with eachother that you ARE each your own person, and that your life is just as valid as hers-not dependent on, not shadowed by. you are also lucky that she is here now for you while you write, instead of you waiting years and her being gone and you having only your memory. your writing of her has so much emotion and life now, because of it, and i think that goes for everyone in your life who you may write about in your novel, or here – capture them now, do it with love, and they will appreciate it.
]]> By: Kari http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-150 Kari Sat, 25 Mar 2006 15:58:11 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-150 I think it's more important to be true to your own perceptions of reality than to the people you're writing about. The fact is, the experiences you had shape who you are, and life is perception anyway. My siblings and I lived through many of the same things and continue to have markedly different takes on them. Each of us is unique and from what I've heard about your mother, she will eventually be proud that you are strong enough to come up with your own independent assessment of your life. Write on! I think it's more important to be true to your own perceptions of reality than to the people you're writing about. The fact is, the experiences you had shape who you are, and life is perception anyway. My siblings and I lived through many of the same things and continue to have markedly different takes on them. Each of us is unique and from what I've heard about your mother, she will eventually be proud that you are strong enough to come up with your own independent assessment of your life. Write on!
]]> By: donut http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-149 donut Wed, 22 Mar 2006 17:21:08 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-149 Very interesting post. I think this is an obstacle all writers must overcome to some degree, but most particularly memoirists and "personal essay" types. My mother doesn't have the slightest idea what my novel is about, but she has made me swear up and down that it isn't about her - not even a little bit, not even in a coded way that would allow her friends to speculate that I might be talking about her. I've done my best to follow her wishes, as I have no desire to disrespect or upset my mother, but it's hard to be sure nothing has slipped through the cracks. I tried to circumvent the problem by killing off my protagonist's mother on pg8 - hopefully that will be enough. Very interesting post. I think this is an obstacle all writers must overcome to some degree, but most particularly memoirists and "personal essay" types.

My mother doesn't have the slightest idea what my novel is about, but she has made me swear up and down that it isn't about her – not even a little bit, not even in a coded way that would allow her friends to speculate that I might be talking about her. I've done my best to follow her wishes, as I have no desire to disrespect or upset my mother, but it's hard to be sure nothing has slipped through the cracks. I tried to circumvent the problem by killing off my protagonist's mother on pg8 – hopefully that will be enough.

]]> By: rosie http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/the-memoirists-curse/comment-page-1#comment-148 rosie Wed, 22 Mar 2006 16:45:06 +0000 http://offbeatbride.com/2006/03/21/the-memoirists-curse#comment-148 This comment is more about your upcoming book.....it sounds AWESOME! I worked in the floral business for years and saw all the hideous unoriginal trappings that go along with a traditional wedding. Snore! Boring! Don't get me started on how impersonal they've all become.... I've always thought about writing a book on how you can throw a really great wedding on the cheap....I'm sure you have some great ideas there! Oh- I am not married, but when I am planning on it (soon) I will need your book for sure! (And I remember something about thrift store coffee mugs....GREAT idea ;-) -Rosie This comment is more about your upcoming book…..it sounds AWESOME! I worked in the floral business for years and saw all the hideous unoriginal trappings that go along with a traditional wedding. Snore! Boring! Don't get me started on how impersonal they've all become….
I've always thought about writing a book on how you can throw a really great wedding on the cheap….I'm sure you have some great ideas there!
Oh- I am not married, but when I am planning on it (soon) I will need your book for sure!
(And I remember something about thrift store coffee mugs….GREAT idea ;-)

-Rosie

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